FRQNC


Thursday, November 27, 2008 Happy Thanksgiving everyone... j.s.



Monday, November 24, 2008 The best part is not really that the penguin jumped in the boat to escape the hungry killer whales, it's his slightly embarrassed-yet-congenial attitude about being there. "Oh! Yes, um, good 'morrow tourists! Welcome to Antarctica! And might I just say what a lovely dinghy you have. I...I do hate to inconvenience, but would you mind terribly if I rested for just a moment or two? These orcas have been trying to nibble me bum all morning and I'm completely knackered. There's a good lad. So, where is everyone from? What a lovely hat you're wearing, miss!" j.s. Also the typical American (read as: easily terrified), guy cracks me up. "They know! They know he's in the boat! They know I'm totally stoned right now. They know!"



Wednesday, November 19, 2008 I, for one, welcome our new HoverCat Overlords. j.s.



Tuesday, November 18, 2008 For those who might be interested in such things (God help you all), the magazine I write for has started publishing my articles online. My article on iPhone apps last month. Please note: I actually wrote that the Flying Jihad Toads were "sent from the backalleys of the city of Dis," not "the city of DJs." Apparently someone on our editorial staff needs to brush up on their Dante. Anyway, thought this might be helpful for those who aren't in our readership area and were interested in the ridiculous things I'm writing that are somehow deemed worthy of publishing. And now, in infititely more important news... Meh. j.s.



Wednesday, November 12, 2008 I'd like to pause for a moment and talk about Zicam Nasal Swabs if I might. I'd begun to feel the first inklings of The DeathSick seeping into my daily routine earlier this week. And, rather than my usual begrudging acceptance of being couch-bound for days, shrouded in a thick, mucus-coated miasma, I instead decided to rage, rage against the dying of the leukocyte. So I picked up some "Zicam Nasal Swabs," thinking that if I were going to be sick anyway I'd at least be entertained by sticking something in my nose every four hours. I open the package, give a cursory look at the directions, and naturally begin wondering, "just what the hell is in this stuff?" Turns out, it's basically just zinc. Which I'd already been taking in an effort to avoid The DeathSick to begin with. But I've already paid about $10 for it, so I shrug and pluck a little syringe-shaped container out of the box. After puzzling for a minute or so on how to open the damn thing, I eventually figure out that I'm supposed to crack it in half. I do so, and pull out a long Q-tip that has clear, sticky gel on it. At this point, a ~~sane~~ normal person might pause, and wonder if they really want to stick this thing up their nose, and hey, maybe some herbal tea and a nap might be a better idea. However you're not reading the blog of a normal person. I gleefully rammed the device into my nose, and swabbed it around like I was a deckhand on the Edmund Fitzgerald. Now, what you'll immediately notice about using this product is that sticking something into your nose is always, always funny. There will be a transcendent moment when you'll recognize how ridiculous you look and grin, despite the fact that you don't feel well. Directly after this epiphany comes the realization that putting gel in your nose is an unnatural, and rather unsettling sensation. First, it's cold compared to the ambient temperature of the average nasal cavity. Second, it gives the feeling that you've somehow allowed water in your nose and causes an overwhelming desire to tilt your head to allow it to drain. Finally, after a moment or two, the stuff starts to seep through your membranes and tingles/itches a little bit. (Not a "Gamera-sized fire ant" itch; it's more like having a chilly moth fluttering around inside the tip your nose. To salve this, I simply pinched my nose a lot.) After 15 minutes or so the gel dried and left a slight sensitivity in its wake, a feeling I still have actually. It's been a couple hours now since today's initial gooky appliqué. My point in all this is that rather than succumbing to The DeathSick, this Zicam stuff appears to be working pretty well. After 2 days of swabbing (once in the morning and once at night), I woke up today and actually felt pretty damn good. I'd say running at about 75%-ish. Granted, this could simply be attributable to a weaker strain of DeathSick this time around, or that it's still waiting for the right moment to pound me into a sickly little ball, or it might be that I've successfully parried it away wielding a cotton swab épée dipped in clear gook. So give it a shot and let me know. I'd be interested to hear if it works for anyone else. j.s.



Monday, November 10, 2008 Am I doomed to the Hell of Rabid Wumpuses (Wumpii?) for suggesting there should be a video game entitled "Exploding Babies" last night? You know, with adorable pink or blue rocket launchers. AK-47s with rubber duckies on them. Similac power-ups. "Crib Matches." Because today it kinda feels like I'm going to hell... j.s.



Friday, November 07, 2008 3 days in and there's already a change.gov website. I'm liking this already. Wonder if Barack needs a sarcastic, occasionally witty, slightly-used blogger for his administration... j.s.



Thursday, November 06, 2008 Every once in a while I like to look back at my archives over there to do a "This Day in Jeremiah's History" kind of thing. In 2002, I was packing up my things and preparing to leave my apartment in Baltimore for the unknown in Utah. Which turned out to be an absolutely horrible decision. In 2003, I had just moved into my loft downtown, and was going out to see Cursive and The Jealous Sound at Numbers. In 2004, I was recoiling in horror from going out to a hookah bar that dared to serve me a Tanqueray & tonic in a Dixie Cup, and getting turned away from Drink Houston since we'd dared to show up post 1am. In 2005, I had just returned from seeing Stars and Death Cab for Cutie at Stubb's in Austin, and was researching the Billy Reid line for a magazine article. In 2006, I was cleaning up our campsite at Enchanted Rock, and preparing to make the drive back to Houston. In 2007, I was complaining about End-of-Monthiness and my magazine deadlines (there's a shocker), and promised to be back when I could be. Oh, and I was still reveling in a Red Sox World Series win. And this year? This year I'm heading home to spend the evening with Jib before I take him to camp out at my Dad's place for the weekend. Mom's 50th b-day is forthcoming, and the entire fam is spending it at a Bed & Breakfast out in Canyon Lake. Actually this will mark the first time that Sobriquet has met most of my extended family...and it will be a minor miracle if she ever speaks to me again afterward. Take care, j.s.



Wednesday, November 05, 2008 A C-note says that once they cut to commercial she busted out a "Help me Obi-Wan, you're my only hope." j.s.



First, I'd like to say I'm very happy about the way things turned out last night. And, now that that's out of the way, I'd like to extend a heartfelt "fuck you" to the programmers and pundits at CNN for their post-election coverage. You know, you took great pains over the past 2 years to tell people again and again that this election was never about race. And you were quite right, it wasn't. Yet as soon as it was over you couldn't resist sensationalizing it as a "victory for America's minorities!" and follow with shots of Black person after Black person. At one point you even broke to a helicopter shot of a street party in Harlem for God's sake. And, in an irony that wasn't lost on me, you still kept repeating how the shadow of racism was fading in the U.S. If you honestly believed that to be true, why weren't there helicopters circling the election parties in Westport, Connecticut? Yes, African-Americans came together and made huge strides in this election. Yes, minorities absolutely deserve to be proud of this triumphant moment. But don't forget that I, and hundreds of thousands of White people like me who helped make this moment happen, deserve to be proud too. I can only assume that in your desire to become The Nü FOX News (what was with those "PREDICTION!" explosions every 5 minutes?), you were rushing to capture the Nielsen Ratings of a shifting national dynamic. And in doing so, you forgot all about the rest of us who voted, donated, called, canvassed, and yes, blogged about a candidate for President that they believed in. And the message you've somehow lost, and one that I'm happy to remind you of, is that America did not vote for Barack because he is Black. We voted for an intelligent, honorable, lucid man with great ideas. We voted for a man that people believed could truly bring change to the embarassing clusterfuck that was the Bush administration. We voted for someone that could take center stage in the free world and repair the rifts created by years of imperialism. We voted for these ideals, and many more, that happen to be embodied in a man who is Black. j.s.



Tuesday, November 04, 2008 Congratulations America. *You have chosen...wisely.* j.s.



When history is taking place around you...will you notice? The map below will update in real-time as states become decided. (That is, if Google's servers can hold up.) I'm sure you guys will have better places to be tonight, but just in case you happen to stumble over here...there you go. j.s.



I Didn't Vote For Obama Today j.s.



I'd like to amend my earlier comments. These Idahoans are free to vote for whomever they'd like. tips cap j.s.



Fire it up. Ready to go. j.s.



So...it's upon us. Four years ago, in a self-important swelling of patriotism, I wrote something like a "How Not to Vote" primer on here. And I believe I ended it with a jejune "as long as you go out and vote for someone" kind of rhetoric. But the aftermath of that kind of optimism didn't work out so well, as we all now know. I'll not be doing that this time. No, my bipartisan accomodations were savagely beaten, robbed, and left bleeding in a dark alley after that election. So! I'm tacking to a different course this time, and going with a more specific set of advice. And it is thus: If you plan on going out to vote for McCain today, please don't fucking bother. Listen to the media. You've already lost. Stay home. Have some Häagen-Dazs. Watch Oprah. Cry. Stockpile automatic weaponry and prepare for the coming apocalypse. Listen to Hannity wail feebly about contenental drift divide, mountains sitting in a line, and Leonard. Bernstein. But do not, under any circumstances, go to your district polling site. Now I'm not saying that you've proven yourselves incapable of being trusted with the power to vote in this country... Okay, yeah I might be saying that. Just leave it alone, and let us handle things this time around. And when we're done repairing the breaches and righting the ship you can go back to winning political campaigns based on "character," religious fervor and fear. Just give us a chance to fix the important stuff first, okay? Thanks, j.s.