FRQNC


Thursday, November 30, 2006 Nearly every morning as I'm getting my coffee there's the same little guy sitting at the bar. A guy who is either very bored, or is obsessive-compulsive about his lactose dissemination vessels. I say this because I've caught him, on rare occasions, taking great pains to line up the milk canisters perfectly. So I ask you, is it wrong of me to purposely skew the skim milk, just to see his wide-eyed shiver of horror? Because what I view as a funny little game could result in hundreds of milk bottles outside my doorstep one morning, each aligned with an eerie geometric precision. j.s. ["Lactose dissemination vessels" goes on the short list of the most disturbing things I've ever written.]



Tuesday, November 28, 2006 So since I'm not going to blather endlessly into the digital void about my drunken holiday exploits (for the time being), I'm instead going to discuss something of slightly more import...well, to me anyway. And that something, is writing. Now it should be obvious to any of you who read me with any -ahem- frequency that my posts have become fewer of late. And as the 2nd most important reason I write on this site, I thought you deserving of an explanation. It seems that I've become rather disenchanted with my writing, or at least its current voice and venue, and I believe it well past time to take the metaphorical leap with it. You see, there's this story in me that's been kicking around for a couple years now, and I think now is the right moment to begin it in earnest and see what comes out on the other side. It's a rather long story, and as such it will be taking up quite a bit of my time. And I'm telling you this because I don't know how interested I'm going to be in writing here in the time that I'm not working on it. Now I'll still be on here jotting the occasional notes, observances and tales of general Houston saucery. I need to write on this thing after all. I'm a bloggict. So there's no need to perform a teary-eyed removal of me from your links; I'll still be around. It will just be with about the same regularity that you've seen for the past month or so. Wish me luck, and I'll see you soon. j.s.



Good God we have a lot of recappin' to do...and I'm in the throes of End-of-Monthiness, so I really don't have the time to devote the attention such an endeavor deserves, but here we go. Last Wednesday D. and I went to the Imogen Heap concert which was quite good, although not at all what I'd expected. Given the overall vibe of her music, I'd assumed an artsy, demure, slightly tortured girl was behind it. What I didn't see coming was a flighty, happy-go-lucky, adorable little British girl with a feather boa mohawk singing songs of heartbreak and longing. Was good though. Especially Kid Beyond, who did covers of Nine Inch Nails "Closer" and Portishead's "Wandering Star," using only a loop machine and his voice. Most impressive. Anyway, after the show we dropped by Mama's for a late dinner, then headed back to D's place and I crashed on the couch. Thursday was Thanksgiving, so we headed out to Katy for an early dinner with Dad. And, despite my early reservations about eating such a thing, I can tell you with personal authority that fried turkey is actually pretty good. Although when it's cooking it looks uncannily like the scene from Gremlins where "Stripe" falls into the YMCA pool. So watched some football, had some turkey, then D. and I took off with absolutely no agenda and just drove down Westheimer until we hit the Galleria. Suddenly I was reminded of the Uptown Lighting event that happens every year on Thanksgiving, so we stopped the car and wandered over to watch. Tree lightings, spotlights, a drunk Mrs. Claus leading sing-a-longs, and some fireworks later, and we're back in the car heading home. Friday I caught up with Danny and Rachel at Cecil's where I imbibed way too many Tanq & tonics. So much so that I actually mentioned I thought a girl at the bar was attractive, and was subsequently berated for the rest of the evening for not getting up and talking to her before she left. sigh Swung by The Dirt before closing time and hung out with a few magazine peeps, then got dropped off at home and crashed. Saturday was my landlady's Thanksgiving Weekend Brunch in the main house, which I stumbled and groaned my way through with a miserable hangover. Sometime in the mid-afternoon Luis came by and we dropped by Danny's for a bit, then hit Star Piz... You know, I'm now officially tired of rehashing everything I did over the weekend. And probably not nearly as tired as you are of reading it. I'm going to go now. j.s.



Thursday, November 23, 2006 Hi there. And happy Thanksgiving. I'll talk at length about exactly where I went and exactly what I drank later. But for now I just wanted to send out this link for Child's Play, a Holiday charity I happen to think is awesome. I'm not saying you should donate or anything... I'm just saying that Jeremiah-borne warm-fuzzies shall rain down upon you if you're able to help. That and some very sick kids just might have some toys that are cool to play with this Christmas. You know, whichever you prefer. Take care, j.s.



Monday, November 20, 2006 Hi there. So since I feel like I haven't written much here (other than picture posts and whiny diatribes about how misunderstood my work is), I thought I'd whip up a lil' Weekend Recap for you, O.M.* style. [Original Meaty] Friday I stuck around work much later than I'd expected to, and had to immediately speed over to Volcano from the office to catch up with J.T. and some friends for the St. Arnold's Pub Crawl. Which in reality turned out to be a bit more sedentary than a "crawl." In fact, they never went anywhere after Volcano. So it was the St. Arnold's Pub Stop. shrug* We stick around there for a few beers, during which time I picked up some girl entirely on accident (who knew telling someone "I really enjoy flinging poo" would cause them to not only leave the bar with you, but become amorously hands-on as well), then we drove over to The Big Easy to catch some blues band. But along the way, Lil' Miss Handsy suddenly dropped the "amorous" act, and instead busied herself by berating me mercilessly...saying that "anyone who looks like [me] is obviously trouble," and repeatedly calling me "a shit." Your guess is as good as mine. As if on cue, Dixie happens to call in the midst of this bizarre exchange to meet up with us, and I do my best to explain what's happening with simple "yes" and "no" answers. After a while she arrives at Big Easy in full "pretend to be Jeremiah's girlfriend" mode. And apparently Lil' Miss Handsy threw her several elbow checks as a result, in the time that she wasn't sulking in the corner glaring at us. And, if I somehow forgot to tell you that I really appreciated you bailing me out of that whole scene, please consider this my official "thank you." Because I was so far out of my depth that the fish had little bioluminescent orbs sticking out of their foreheads... Anyway, we leave at around 1:30, I drop J.T. off at home, and on the way back to my house it occurs to me that I haven't eaten anything but a few kolaches for breakfast that morning. A fact that I summarily ignore, and simply head home to bed. However my stomach had other nefarious and gurgly plans. In my absence my gastro-intestinal system obviously contracted someone to rig my bed atop an enormous Spirograph, and set it to activate the moment my head hit the pillow. Which in turn caused my stomach to do a Bela Karoli tumbling routine, twirling my esophagus around like a goddamn gymastics ribbon. When it becomes obvious that I wasn't going to be able to ignore that particular bout of bedspins, I announced to the entirety of my (empty) household, "Are you serious???" After which 30 minutes of squelchy retching noises ensued from the general vicinity of my bathroom. Not one of my more shining moments. Which is why I'm sharing it here for the whole world to enjoy. Afterward I literally crawled across the floor and into bed, where I blissfully passed out. Saturday I woke up at around noon and, being ravenously hungry by this point, called Danny and Dixie to see if they felt like nabbing brunch at Baby Barnaby's. Both did, and thus began the slow de-hangoverification. I'd finished with Phase 5 of the recovery process, ("Rent Mindless Film") and had taken steps toward Phase 6, ("Consume Fast Food") as Danny and I pulled into the Taco Bell parking lot. We head around to the drive-thru, passing a parked police officer along the way who was apparently too busy writing a report to notice Danny's inspection sticker that expired in 2005. We pull around to the menu to order, and there's a hand-written sign taped over the squawk box that reads "Sorry. Temparariley [sic] Closed." I've just about muttered a "damn..." when we notice there's a humongoloid Ford Expedition in front of us that's hurling loose change at the drive-thru window in an attempt to garner the attention of the Taco Bell people. Presumably to pelt them with nickels until they acquiesce and come coco with the chalupas. We wait for the exchange (I PUN!) to finish, and then the Excursion pulls forward and prepares to leave. Unwilling to part with our hard-earned coinage to achieve a similar result, we simply follow behind the behemoth and wait our turn to pull out onto Shepherd St. Then, with absolutely no warning, the white reverse lights on the Excursion fire on, the driver floors the road beast backwards, and it plunges directly into the front of Danny's Jetta with a sickening metallic crunch. As always, I have a suitably snarky comment in these situations, and I believe this one went a little like "Whoa...what the hell?" Danny and I get out of the car. A girl wobbles out of the driver's side of the Excursion and slurs, "did I hit you?" "Yes you hit us." Her boyfriend gets out of the passenger side, and keeps saying "aw man, there's nothing wrong with your car...it's fine, it's fine..." as if simply saying so would alter reality and remove the tow hitch-sized hole they'd punched in Danny's bumper. So Danny explains that he's going get the cop that is still parked around the corner to file a report, and they absolutely lose their minds. "NO! NO! WE DON'T NEED THE COPS!" "Oh hell yes we need the cops. I'll be right back." At which point both of them freak out, and the girl grabs the front of my shirt and demands I "Go get your friend! Go stop your friend!" "I can't have another DUI!" I bat her hands off me and shrug, explaining there's nothing I can do about it now and don't touch me. The cop walks over, instantly smells the thick haze of booze surrounding these two, and sets about getting licenses and insurance and the like. And while the cop is running them through the computer and checking for warrants, the girl begins pointing at me and screaming "FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!" in the middle of the parking lot. Which made 2 nights in a row random girls have shouted obscenities in my direction... Lovely. Anyway, after she finishes her Tourette's tirade, I watch her talk to her boyfriend for a moment, look over at us surreptitiously, then grab her purse and walk off. The cop comes back over after a minute and I say "Hey, I think that girl just took off..." to which she replies "No no, she's just going to the bathroom." "Uh, yeah but she..." "No. Bathroom. Hang on." the cop dismisses me with a hand and goes back to her car to talk on her cell phone some more. We wait for about 5 minutes, and she gets back out. The girl is still gone. I say nothing, and instead just blink at her incredulously...as if she couldn't possibly be that inept. She gives Danny his license back, then walks over to the boyfriend who's been feverishly searching through the drunk girl's Excursion with a flashlight. (No idea what that was about.) The cop stands there talking to him for a moment, then you can see the moment of realization hit her. She shines a flashlight in the direction that the drunk girl walked off in, then back in the face of the boyfriend...and becomes irate. And God help me, I had to laugh. She cuffs him and puts him in the car...and then walks over and hands me his cell phone, asking if I know how to work it. I unlock the keypad and hand it back, and shortly thereafter the phone rings with the drunk girl's name on the caller ID. The cop answers. "Hello. This is Officer Such-and-such. Remember me? I'm the one with your driver's license. I'm also the one with your boyfriend cuffed in the back of my car for aiding and abetting your evasion from police. Hello? Hello?" At this point more cops are arriving, and a tow truck has arrived to hook the Excursion, so we ask for whatever information we need from her and we leave. Now I'm normally the last person to speak ill of the police, but it was kind of unnerving to think that, without any police training whatsoever, I had a better handle on what was happening at the scene than someone who was supposed to be a professional at handling such events, and command respect when dodgy situations arise. Either this cop needs a partner, or I need to join the academy. So we leave and head to Kroger for some snacks, ("ya gotta have some treats..."), and on our way in a random homeless guy hails me. "Hey. Can you buy me some food?" And I'm just about to tell him "no, I don't have anything" when I realize he asked me to buy him food, not give him money. And after the scene I've just witnessed, I'm fishing for all the karma I can find. "Sure man. No problem. What do you want?" "Just some soy milk. Chocolate. 8th Continent." "K, no problem. Be right back." We run in, get a pizza, some chocolate soy milk (yuck), and I decide on the way out to pick him up some gingersnaps as well. We make the hand-off, then head immediately back to Danny's house to watch Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves until roughly 3am. Sunday was mostly football and couch-time, although I did make the trek out to Katy to have dinner with Dad and Cary and watch the Sunday Night game. Good stuff. Okay, back to work now. See you. j.s.



Thursday, November 16, 2006 [Prepping...] [Now we're ready.] [Danny attempting liberty spikes.] [Beer rocks.] [Cindy and Heather keggin'] [Alysha in Wonkavision.] ["Don't forget your goat leggings!"] [For those about to rock...] [You want the Lone Star, you gotta get through me.] [Dave and Jason recreate the knife fight from "Beat It."] [Dixie rocks...] [then sneers musically.] [Luis achieving Power Hour.] [Now that's star power.] [Is that a good enough picture Luis? =] ] [Only one other person on Earth has ever rocked this hard.] [And he died in the attempt.] [Ladies love a Guitar Hero.] [Eyeing Luis wantonly.] [Rocking atop the coffee table.] [I hereby offer this mini-fender to the Monster Gods of Rock, and request they make me a bone sword out of it.] [And as you can see, we all had an absolutely miserable time.] j.s.



Tuesday, November 14, 2006 [You don't want none of this.] j.s. (More pics forthcoming.)



Monday, November 13, 2006 Hey there bleuxpee. As promised, here are the pictures of the Enchanted Rock camping trip. [Dealing with park rangers sucks.] [Scrambled eggs, sausage and coffee isn't necessarily "roughing it."] [But he doesn't know that.] [Mt. Cindy. Wait, that wasn't a verb.] ["I think I see a farmhouse over there. Nah, nevermind. It's far."] [The Highlife.] [I love this picture.] [Dixie, no! Not Glute Cavern!] [This is Fluff. It causes me to rock.] ["We're gonna do WHAT?] [Burka Burka Revolution.] [Psudo-bouldering.] [Mt. Jeep. (Yes, that one was a verb.] [J.T. struggles for the photo-op.] [The guys on watch. (I'm keeping an eye out for gophers.)] [One of many Enchanted Rocks.] [More rocks.] [With foodstuff supplies running low, Luis forages for lint.] [My Spidey suit.] And there you have it. Our "Guitar HeroShima" party this weekend was a rousing success as well, however I'm afraid I'm going to have to hold off on a recap just yet. So much time and so little to do! Wait. Strike that...reverse it. Talk to you later. j.s.



Thursday, November 09, 2006 God. Dammit. So my uncle infected me with what is obviously some sort of Ebola strain last weekend, and I've spent the entirety of this week snorting and wheezing like Snuffleupagus on a cocaine binge. I'd actually thought that this DEATHSICK was fading last night... However as it turns out it was merely ensconced within a mucus chrysalis, to emerge this morning as a spryly colored fever, fluttering my lungs with each new cough. I finally gave up on trying to ignore how awful I felt at around 3:00 today, and left work to lay on the couch in my typical languishing, self-pitying, "no one in the history of Earth has ever been this sick" pose. Yes, I'm a bit of a baby when I'm not feeling well. However I've roughly 20 hours to get over this bug before the HeroShima party... At which point I will have tried just about everything to make it go away, and will attempt to sterilize my entire bloodstream with Lone Star beer and Sailor Jerry rum. So think non-sicky thoughts for me please... Thanks, j.s.



Wednesday, November 08, 2006 Bye Rummy. Don't suppose you could tidy up some of this mess you made before you leave? No? That's okay. Just go. Now. Um...I'm not so sure about choosing Robert Gates, President of Texas A&M, though. Soon he'll be utilizing the Marine Corps to keep people from walking on the damn grass. "Mug session on the White House lawn! C'mon over here ya'll two percenters! That means you Condi! Rowr!" And God only knows what "Hullabaloo Canek Canek" translates to in Arabic... j.s.







Tuesday, November 07, 2006 Okay, let's see if we can get through a whole post without Blogger crashing/disconnecting/going down for maintenance. I've decided to hold off on the camping recap until I receive the numerous pictures that were taken throughout the weekend. It's just better that way. Trust me. So! It's VOTING DAY . And have you gone out and cast your ballot yet? I only ask because 64% of people in this city said they were definitely not going to vote today. Now I could go on and on about that adorable little statistic, and how if we included monetary recompense, oral sex, or maybe some kind of complimentary fried goods at the polls, Houstonians might just be bothered to get off their Snackwell's-plumped asses and cast a ballot. Although perhaps not. Anyway, if you haven't yet done so, please do go out and vote today for the candidate of your choosing. Even if that choice is wrong. =] This election is every bit as important, if not moreso, than the Presidential one. Okay, that's my PSA. Feel free to go about your workday now. j.s.



Sunday, November 05, 2006 God. Dammit. I was in the midst of writing a long post about the camping trip this weekend, and I'd gotten all the way up to Saturday night when Firefox crashed on me. And for whatever reason Blogger didn't save a draft of it. I'm sorry, but I simply don't have the heart to start over right now. I'm just really tired. So I'll try and re-write it for you tomorrow. G'night. j.s.