Friday, June 30, 2006Cap'n NaugaHonkey, Heya sucka. Been a long time... Yeah, I know... I'm sorry I haven't been in touch, but my dance card has been pretty full of late. So how've you been? Good...good. Me? Well, the company is doing fine. The writing's going along swimmingly too, although you'd never be able to tell from the slowly degenerating drivel that I've been posting here lately. (You know, it just occurred to me how awesome you would've found it that I write for that magazine...) And all our peeps seem to be doing relatively well, happy and busy and going about their lives. **sigh** To be honest, I told myself I was going to write you a letter...but this doesn't seem to be working out as intended. It feels really strange to be talking to you like this. I think that's because I've had to move you to more of a "concept" in my life, rather than someone I loved dearly and spent a good part of almost every day with. (And while I'm sure you aren't happy about that little development, I'm also certain you understand it's for self-preservation.) Anyway, it feels odd to shift you back toward "person" status and make you, in my mind, someone that I actually "talk" to. I'll keep at it though. So... I guess I can keep it cookin' along by just stating the obvious, and saying that I still really miss you. My life hasn't regained the color, laughter and randomness it had when you were here, and it's become clear that's a part that won't ever be back. "I think, after loss, life requires an act of reclaiming." Keanu fucking Reeves said that in a Forbes article a couple weeks ago. I know! And while "Ted" seems a very unlikely source for so poignant a statement about my life (or life in general for that matter), he's absolutely right. Or, to put it in a way that I think you would've liked, It's very easy to float away in a flood. Meaning that, when your life is awash in sorrows, pain and loss, things become easier to deal with only when you confront them. And if you don't, the person you are can easily be drowned and carried off forever. It's only when you're willing to step toward the things that lay still and watch from the dark that they become less frightening. Unfortunately, it would seem that this "reclaiming" bit is something I'm not very good at. Because losing you is a hurt that has have never quite healed in me. This could be because I've refused to talk or think about it, and therefore haven't really "dealt" with it. Or it could be that I refuse to talk about it because there's nothing anyone can say or do to assuage the loss I feel. And if doing that will just hurt without helping, then what's the point? I'm really not sure. But I've come to the conclusion that, at least in this case, it's better to be unthinking and numb than self-aware and full of pain and hate. Although D. and I did talk about you at lunch the other day, and of the impending anniversary tomorrow. And sitting there, I could almost see whole thing looming up like a dark tide, ready to pull me under for the third time. It takes months for me to quietly thrash my way out of this... Which reminds me, last week was the first time I've talked about you to someone that I consider a good friend, who has never met you. And that was much harder than I'd ever expected it be. (Basically because I'd never thought about it.) In fact, I think I stopped talking in the middle of the discussion and just stared down at the table. Which I'm sure was not-so-subtle a signal that the conversation was at an end. And, speaking of conversations, as I was pulling together the files to transfer to my new office computer, I came across some of our old IM's from here at work. Gaijin777: ballhair Apotheosis1138: excellent Gaijin777: I WIN Apotheosis1138: HooRAy Gaijin777: ({)(}) Gaijin777: these are cool Apotheosis1138: Yes. Gaijin777: what are you working on? Apotheosis1138: making boobies. Apotheosis1138: Access Apotheosis1138: I'm making a new Query Apotheosis1138: On that includes the new field in the Table called "Fee" Apotheosis1138: Because soon, we will track that as well Apotheosis1138: Executive decision. Apotheosis1138: By me. Apotheosis1138: And it's fucking up...over and over and over... Apotheosis1138: Hey, what do you want for lunch? (Derek is on the horn) Apotheosis1138: He's going to pick up something Gaijin777: OK....I ALREADY ATE LUNCH Gaijin777: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Apotheosis1138: Yes? Apotheosis1138: WORD SALAD!!! Apotheosis1138: Four Nine sheet picture ass bun freelance cutlass dna trash klein tack special dot dial execute arrow up camera bubble square blob. Apotheosis1138: HERE ENDETH THE WORD SALAD!!! Gaijin777: Jeremiah "over the shoudlers" Shaw Gaijin777: Mike "After-Dinner" Minters Apotheosis1138: Indeed Gaijin777: you are here Apotheosis1138: I am. Gaijin777: is my away message gone now Apotheosis1138: Excellent work Apotheosis1138: yes Gaijin777: good Gaijin777: how bout now Apotheosis1138: Still gone...I miss it. *** Auto-response from Gaijin777: I am away pilfering, raiding, and drinking my otherwise weaselly black guts out. Gaijin777: good Apotheosis1138: Dammit man... Gaijin777: pork chop huungry Gaijin777: hungary Gaijin777: 42 Apotheosis1138: Okee...les' go to de maul...feed pohk chupa. Gaijin777: would you like a pop tart??? Gaijin777: FINE *** Auto-response sent to Gaijin777: I am currently away from the computer. Apotheosis1138: No thanks *** Auto-response from Gaijin777: I am away pilfering, raiding, and drinking my otherwise weaselly black guts out. Apotheosis1138: FINE Gaijin777: PWNED Gaijin777: would you like a choclate muffin??? Apotheosis1138: Hang on Gaijin777: THE CHOCOMUFFIN WAITS FOR NO MAN!!!!!!!!! YOU WAIT FOR HIM!!!!!!! Gaijin777: what is a word for everything the same Apotheosis1138: identical? Gaijin777: im drawing a blank Gaijin777: no Apotheosis1138: give me the sentence and I can help... Apotheosis1138: I think this Access thing \is almost ready to go. Gaijin777: it's not a sentence Gaijin777: great Apotheosis1138: Still working the page break thing though Apotheosis1138: How important is that? Gaijin777: the only important thing Apotheosis1138: Damn. Gaijin777: thats the point Gaijin777: "i've been working on making all of these figures ____" Gaijin777: not identical Apotheosis1138: coincide? Apotheosis1138: gel? Gaijin777: synonym to identical Apotheosis1138: Equal, match, alike... Gaijin777: like cohesive Gaijin777: but not Apotheosis1138: That's not identical... Apotheosis1138: That just means they're making sense... Gaijin777: i know but the word im thinking of sounds like that Apotheosis1138: consistent? Gaijin777: BINGO!!! Gaijin777: thanks Apotheosis1138: np. Gaijin777: dammit....i cant believe i forgot that word Apotheosis1138: =] Gaijin777: I'm making hor d'oeuvres for a baby shower on saturday Apotheosis1138: ... Gaijin777: my first commission Apotheosis1138: I don't know what to think about that man... Apotheosis1138: Congratulations? Apotheosis1138: =] Apotheosis1138: Good luck? Apotheosis1138: Yeah, "good luck." Apotheosis1138: =] Gaijin777: YES CONGRATS Apotheosis1138: WOOT! Apotheosis1138: I HAVE IT!!! Gaijin777: DING! hor d'oeuvres (1) Gaijin777: =] Apotheosis1138: Page break...completed. Apotheosis1138: Report...ready to go. Gaijin777: SWEET!!!!! Gaijin777: kick ass Gaijin777: now make it purty Gaijin777: DING! Gaijin777: Access (2) Gaijin777: =] Apotheosis1138: You have gotten better at Access Database (11) Apotheosis1138: Okay, c'mere...I need you a sec. Apotheosis1138: When you get a free minute Gaijin777: k hold please Apotheosis1138: k Session Start (AIM - Apotheosis1138:VoolBurglah): Wed Jun 30 15:24:00 2004 Apotheosis1138: 4 Apotheosis1138: What are you doing after work? VoolBurglah: Going to see Spider Man with my gurl Apotheosis1138: Fuck you then. Apotheosis1138: I'll go see it by myself. VoolBurglah: I knew that was coming... Session Close (VoolBurglah): Wed Jun 30 15:25:31 2004 Session Start (AIM - Apotheosis1138:VoolBurglah): Tue Jul 06 17:08:24 2004 *** NOTE: This user is offline. Your messages will most likely *not* be received! Session Close (VoolBurglah): Tue Jul 06 17:09:11 2004 Ow. Jesus, there are a million things I'd like to say to you. But this just doesn't feel like the right medium. Because everyone else reading here has heard them already...or they're things that I'd only tell to you. And in reviewing this post, it's swung in nearly every imaginable direction, has made very little sense, and certainly isn't cleaning itself up any here at the end... So rather than screwing this up any further I'll just say that I really wish you were here, and let you close it yourself. See you 'round mate. j.s. "What do you mean your "not sure about this whole snail mail thing"? Don't you see, Manuel??? Fuck ICQ/AIM. Fuck them in their stupid, nonromantic, nonpersonal, ASSES! This is [random girl who doesn't matter now] where talking about here. When in your wildest imagination could you have ever thought that you would have seen her again, let alone develop a realtionship and start (this is important) hand writing letters to each other? This is the perfect opportunity for Jere"fucking"miah to bust loose with his incredible power and control of words and writing. Did I not get you Stationary and a cool/sofisticated wax sealer to seal those letters? Those a packed full of YE OLDE PIMPOCITY!!!!!! You take this as far as it will go. Don't cry me river about this. (Damn! I just quoted Justin Timbercrack!) You have the chance and the power right now. Be happy about it. GET IN THERE AND FUCKING DOMINATE OR "YOU'RE OFF THE TEEEEEEAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM!!!!!!!" (I just made up for the previous quote by quoting Bernie!) BTW, if [above non-mattering girl] reads the blogger, have this message destroyed by your pack of vicious marsupials. Via con Dios amigo. Chupa mi Verga." 
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Tuesday, June 27, 2006So I'm going to let you in on another dark secret of mine. I have been utterly addicted to the Wiki on Linguistics for the past couple of days. Most notably the bits on Morphology and Linguistic Determinism/Relativity. I adore the idea that, basically, language is the vehicle that humans use for interpreting reality on a experiential level. "For what we cannot say, we must pass over in silence." -Ludwig Wittgenstein- There are a few tenuous areas in the theory of course, an example of which can be found in my post yesterday when I was discussing your impending reincarnation as something undeniably aweschome. But, as an aficionado of the written word and of benthic word pools from which to effuse on both the salient and the minutiae of existence, you can see how I might be drawn toward such airy authorial echelons. Geeky vocabulary-based theories... *rowr* j.s. |
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Monday, June 26, 2006*Re-cappitycappitycappity* Hi there. First off, thank you all for the kind comments/notes/emails about Friday's emo-post. You people are awesome. Again, when you die you will no doubt come back as something with giant wings and claws, and a sleek, powerful body built for fantastic speeds. You're also apparently very on the ball when it comes to my updates, since that one was up less than 2 hours before I yanked it. So, since some of you liked it, and others now want the chance to sneer at the Sappyboy, I've put the post back up. And if a word existed in English that meant both "thank you" and "you're welcome," it would go right here...since I've just vacillated between both of those responses and neither seems to fit right. Someone needs to work on building a lexeme bridge there... Okay, moving on with the Recappity. FridayAfter a later-than-average day at the office, and a rousing game of DigDug, I caught up with Dixie at the rock gym and we climbed for a couple hours. Well, she climbed...I mostly just pulled myself halfway up the wall, flailed around like a languid Muppet for a moment, then demanded to be brought back down. Like I said, those muscles dry out quickly when not in use. And it's obviously going to take a while for me to get back into climbing shape... We finish up a little after 9, and the steady stream of pizza delivery guys that've been toting pies into the gym for birthday parties have created a primal need for Star Pizza in us. So we have dinner, talk of shoes and ships and sealing wax, then Dixie heads home at around 10:30, and I drag my enervated limbs over to Poison Girl and catch up with Danny and Rachel. Half a Real Ale later, I realize there's absolutely no way I'm going to be able to make it through a night of boozin'. So we take off to Katz's Deli for grilled cheeses, where we actually got a server who wasn't coked/meth'd out of his mind... Apparently there's a new world order in Montrose, and I missed the NWOsletter. Regardless, many kudos to Katz's and their newfound selective hiring practices. I'm happy that someone there noticed how unappetizing it was to watch skinny, epicine boys with dialated pupils sweat and grind their teeth while toting foodstuffs around. Anyway, headed home afterward. And went directly to bed. SaturdayPicked up Danny and Dixie and bounced over to Fountain View Cafe for breakfast. Where Danny had the absolutely brilliant idea of dropping in on the Movie Trading Company nearby, and doing a spot of shopping. An hour later, we arrive at Danny's place armed with: Young Frankenstein Big Trouble in Little China The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension Red Sonja Shakes the Clown Josie & the Pussycats (I think there were more...but those are the only ones I can think of currently.) And so began a Saturday spent splayed across enormous beanbag chairs, watching movie after movie while drinking dark ale, and occsionally cheering at the ridiculousness/classic lines of the "films" we were watching. "Put...ze candle...bheck." "Pray ya cahds right...you riv to tell ahbout it." "Laugh-a while you canna MonkeyBoy!" "She is dead. But ze living haf vurk to do." "You silent motherfuckers! Yeah!" Dixie took off for a bit during the afternoon, only to make a triumphant return later in the evening with a peach pie she'd made. Magnificent woman that one... The movies continued long into the night, though we eventually tired of the passivity of movie-watching, and migrated into the kitchen to sit on the counters and talk. And it's at this point that things become a little fuzzy, no doubt due to my relative position to the refrigerator, and by extension, the booze. I do remember Rachel showing up after a while, and (unfortunately) I also recall standing outside Danny's apartment at 3:30 in the morning, discussing the many facets of my wild and unyielding awesomeness to her. (I'm considering changing the name of this blog from "Meaty Efreeti" to "The Many Facets of My Wild and Unyielding Awesomeness.") Ended up crashing on one of Danny's beanbag chairs at about 4. Good day... SundayAwoke with an evil dark ale headache, which was exacerbated by a brutally hot trial at the Montrose AutoZone. (Message to Volkswagen: Why in God's name would you make it so difficult to remove what is supposed to be a temporary energy resource from your Jettas?) We hang out at Danny's for a bit longer, order a pizza, and I eventually head home to my ice-cold house and take a magnificent nap until almost 6. (I typically can't nap...hence this is a noteworthy occurrence.) Afterward Luis and I catch up for dinner at Pronto Cucinino, and have decent Italian food at bargain prices (homemade lasagna and a garlic roll for $7), then head over to his place for the Astros game. Home by 11:45, bed by midnight. And now, I've got to get back to work. Talk to you soon. j.s. |
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Friday, June 23, 2006Hi. First, a couple links to get us warmed up. Wu & Lessig kick it in Rio today. My money's on quite a bit of "Access Tier vs. Net Neutrality" discussion there. And I'll blog about that particular little snafu later. And "Perhaps you are from the land of Buick." ********* ... Still with me? Okay, so I realized this morning, while standing in front of the mirror in my bathroom, that it's been a very long time since I imagined what my life would be like if there were another person in it. I mean, someone that I was truly comfortable with. Now I'm comfortable with my friends of course. Just as I think they're comfortable with the guy pulling the strings behind my "cavalier/arrogant fop" disguise. But that isn't what I mean... Oh, and this one goes out to all my married peeps, who talk about my life as if I lead some kind of exciting and glamorous existence. You should know that these are the things that I envy about your lives. Lazy Sunday afternoons where you get to make up agendas together, like for brunch, a movie, the park, a museum, or for absolutely nothing at all. Trips to the grocery store, dry cleaners, the bank...all taking on an air of closeness and intimacy, since each is a facet of being a real part of someone else's life. (i.e. no one runs errands during a date.) The person with whom you get to be intimately goofy with, and how said goofiness turns into inside jokes. To know what their drink is. Or their favorite pizza/take-out/coffee. Knowing not just what to buy, but where to get comfort food for them when they're sick. And foods that you'd never purchase for yourself somehow finding a home in your pantry. Silent drives home in the rain, hands resting together atop the emergency brake, where the calming and rhythmic whooshing of the wipers doesn't need to be broken by the sound of chatter. Flying on a plane together, and the feel of their fingers entwined in a nervously outstretched hand. (Yes, that one's kind of specific. I really don't like to fly.) To roll over in bed and watch them pick out the day's clothes from a shared closet. Then switch pillows after they've left for work, just so you can still rest next to the smell of them. Sharing bathroom counterspace, shampoos and conditioners vying for real estate in the shower. Trying to carry conversations while one or both of you are brushing your teeth Washing and folding their laundry along with your own. Having the solitude of your home become strange when that person isn't there. I could go on and on here... And I'm not sure what my point is. Or if I ever had one for that matter... This was fun to write though. =] Here's the link to that kid playing rugby with an alpaca. though.]] Oh! And anyone who's interested in going down to the Cynthia Mitchell Pavillion this Sunday and setting themselves on fire to protest the Chicago/Huey Lewis show needs to RSVP me immediately. We're meeting for brunch at Denny's first. j.s. |
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Wednesday, June 21, 2006It was my understanding that Kevin Smith was never going back to the Dante/Randall/Jay n' Bob quadrant of the ViewAskewniverse... Here's to "never". j.s. |
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Tuesday, June 20, 2006And as of today, I declare the beard to be officially making its (slow) return to my currently slash-and-(razor)burned face. This is actually less of an announcement than an easy way for me to mark which day I started, so I'll know how long it takes me to grow one. (For forthcoming experimental purposes.) And speaking of experiments, I do have a slight concern about what the sensory effect of having ones face wrapped in man-fur during a 110 degree Houston day might be... Hmm. That alone might be enough for me to call this little endeavor off until October-ish. We'll see. j.s. |
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Monday, June 19, 2006You. Me. Recap circle. Now. FridayDixie's B-day So after leaving the office for the day, I dropped by Agora to do a spot of writing, and handle some external networking login issues. An hour or so later, Danny and Dixie's sister arrive, and we continue the coffeein' until I can finish up some correspondence for the magazine. After which we swing by Suits-U to pick up our newly tailored attire for Saturday night, and finally head to Poison Girl where we catch up with Luis, Dixie, Rachel and the rest of the group. A few beers later we head to Mi Luna for tapas y sangria magnificos, then to Gingerman.  Whatever it is that Danny and I are doing, Hedish is utterly disinterested...  Hey...birthday...yeah!  Either I'm very likable, or something right behind me is. We decide to take off at around midnightish, then head home. And a very happy birthday to YOU m'dear. SaturdayI catch up with my editor over brunch at Ft. View Cafe, and we divvy up the writing responsibilities for the Texas Beer Tour thing. From there I sped over to Luis's place to watch the USA vs. Italy World Cup match. And to be entirely honest with you, I'm still not 100% sure what the hell is going on in that game. But I am really enjoying watching them with people who're passionate about the sport, so I've just tried to catch on as we go. After the game we all head home to clean up in preparation for Suit Night. I do so, then head to Danny's at about 7:30 armed with bottles of both Tanqueray and Jack. We sit around, make a couple drinks, chat with Bryan for a few... Then people start arriving... And we reach for the suits.  [LtoR:Thorsten, Danny, Me, Luis] Now there are actually about 150 pictures of the evening, and if you've the inclination to see them all you can do so by by clicking on the little picture box in the top left corner of this page. They're all tagged "suitnight" on my Flickr stream. And if you don't, here are a few highlights:  "Where the white women at?"  When pimps collude.  Luis and a random, touchy fan.  Navid doing the "Frobot"  Angel or Devil? And which is which?  The only woman on Earth for whom I'd willingly kneel.  Alas, Boy George disapproved.  I adore this picture. Specifically because of Dixie's steely-eyed, not-to-be-trifled-with, countenance of "Sorry girls. This one's not for sale."  Hebert and I don't trust one another.  [LtoR: Me, random person's ass, Thorsten, Navid, Marshall & Bryan]  "My my...would you like to dance?" And as far as the events of the evening are concerned, I can say that Drink Houston was quite accomodating, providing free cover, a reserved table next to the dancefloor, a complimentary bottle of champagne, as well as immortalizing several of us on their website. We started dancing there at around 10:30, and didn't stop until the police were asking us to leave at 2. Although I do recall several instances where all I wanted to do was leave the dancefloor to rest, grab a drink, etc...but as soon as I thanked whomever I was dancing with and turned to walk away, another girl waiting in the wings would pounce, start talking to me about my suit, and we'd pick up where the other had left off. After the 4th time in a row that this happened, I did have to feign as if I didn't see a couple of them, just so I could get my Tanq and tonic refilled in peace. Some other interesting tidbits would be: The creepy grandmother that followed me around all night, occasionally grabbing my ass surreptitously, and eventually becoming so bold as to use my chain as a leash to pull me over to her. (Which elicited rather loud and indignant "MADAM! MA-DAM!!"s from me, as well as a staunch refusal to dance with her, after being pawed in such a fashion.) Or chatting with two very nice girls that I'd been dancing with, then interrupting them right in the middle of a conversation by pointing at Dixie and saying, "Right. Fair enough. Hey do you see that beautiful girl over there? I'm going to take her on the dancefloor and do very dirty things to her now. You'll have to excuse me..." And as a testament to their character, they were both quite accomodating, and quickly stepped out of the way. Rachel's friend politely refused my many invitations to come dance, explaining that she "didn't dance." Which made bumping into her as she was absolutely tearing it up on the dancefloor later that night quite the awesome moment. Luis, Danny and I took a trip over into the "main" part of the club, where the clientele were really into the whole "I'm hookin' up tonight" playa-esque scene. I think we completely screwed up the mackin' vibe over there though. No one wanted to dance, no one talked to us, no one even smiled at us... In fact, most people seemed so horrified by the suits they flew to the edges of the dancefloor as soon as we came in. (Reminiscent of that floating pepper/dish detergent jr. high science experiment.) It was, truly, a beautiful thing to behold. Anyway, everyone seemed to have a very, very good time. But as great a time as it was, and as excited as I am for the next one, I'm still quite happy that we typically wait 3-6 months in between Suit Nights... Such a thing could quite easily become played out, and would lose some of its surreal magic if it somehow became less rare of an event. Okay, I'm off. It sounds like we're going to drink some Guinness and watch Red Sonja over at Danny's place tonight, so I've gotta get out of here. Take care,  j.s. |
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Sunday, June 18, 2006 Yes, we know... And no, you may not. - Weekend Recap forthcoming - j.s. |
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Thursday, June 15, 2006Hey. So I'm still at a non-stop run, trying to get things caught up from being out of town last weekend. I've an entire website worth of copy that I need to write, a 3-page article on the brewery tour to discuss (and have written by Monday), a brow wax appointment, Dixie's birthday to celebrate tomorrow, "Suit Night" at Drink Houston on Saturday, and then Dad's Day out in Katy on Sunday. And, speaking of Suit Night, all the necessary provisions for such have been procured, and are being tailored to fit my body as we speak. However I don't want to ruin the "unveiling" by describing the ensemble here; so I've decided to hold my tongue for the time being, and allow the forthcoming pictures to speak for themselves. K, I've really gotta run. I'll talk to you soon... j.s. |
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Tuesday, June 13, 2006 Happy birthday man... =] j.s. |
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Monday, June 12, 2006Hiya. I have a little time, and I've just done a rousing set of finger pilates, so let's get to the recappin'. That is, as soon as I protect my delicate indie sensibilities from the "musical" hoi polloi echoing from the radio in the cubical next to mine. She's playing a mix tape (*scoff*) that has gone from Rick Astley to Will Smith and is now playing "2 Legit 2 Quit" by MC Hammer. I swear to God, if Lionel Richie comes out of that thing I'm going to tear her tympanums out and mail them to Lowry Mays. Okay, headphones on...Wilco achieved...let's go. FridayBailed out of work at around 1 to pick up some essentials for the trip, consisting of a new Moleskine notebook, 2 bottles of San Pellegrino, and a Jamba Juice with "Immunity Boost." (Which was as close to an "Preparatory Alcoholic Immersion Boost" as they had.) By the way, the first person to create a pre-night-out caffeine/potassium/vitamin B6 drink is going to make a killing... Moreso if it mixes well with vodka. Anyway, I head home after shopping, stuff some jeans and t-shirts into a duffel bag, and my editor calls just as I'm zipping the bag shut to inform me that they're waiting for me in my driveway. At which point we get in the ZineMobile and head to our first Texas brew spot... The O.C. **sigh** See, the magazine offices moved down the street from O.C. last week, and the publishers were doing a happy hour there, so we had to at least make an appearance. A couple Skinny Dips later, we hop back into the ZineMobile and head west. First stop? Cafe 290.  Yes, that's the car we were riding around in all weekend. And I suppose my furtive "I work for a magazine but I'm not saying which one" game is over now... Oh well. So, Cafe 290. I pull open the door, and despite the fact that Johnny Cash was echoing through the thick fog of cigarette smoke, the place was awful. Unless watching 7 or 8 sketchy people in straw hats play pool is your idea of an awesome time. What's more, when we asked for a menu the rather gruff bartender informed us that, "kitchen done closed at 3 y'all." A kitchen...that closes at 3pm... Our guess was that it was a subtle hint that they simply didn't want us there. So I use their bathroom quickly and make up a story behind the huge cracks in the mirror that have been taped back into place.  "this'z what we think'a you yankees n' yer 'clamcakes n' cabinets'"**crack** So we take off quickly, and it was fortuitous that we did so, because just down the road was something called The Nutty Brown Cafe. We pull up, joke condescendingly about how the place is "bumpin'" because all 15 parking spots are taken up...then we notice the sign that says "More Parking in Back." We round the corner, and each of us breathes the words "holy shit..." at the same time. Something like 60 more cars were parked back there. F-stop (which is what I'm calling the photographer) hits the brakes, and we all stare at the sea of automobiles for a moment with a dumbfounded look on our faces. We find a place to park and walk along the rusty corrugated aluminum fence (mended in places with pieces of plywood and stop signs) to the entrance.  And we were right. The place was bumpin'. There had to be 200 people there, all sitting outside at picnic tables beneath the thick and winding branches of an old live oak tree, happily bobbing their heads to a live blues band.  And that picture shows maybe one-fifth of the entirety of the patio, every inch of which seemed packed with people. After an extraordinarily long wait, we finally got a table, have a decent enough dinner, then hop back into the ZineMobile and head to Fredericksburg. We arrive at about 11, and wisely decide that rather than taking our stuff up to the room we'll head directly to a bar instead. So we ask around, and we're told that there's one just down the street, but they're not sure of the name. And, after a bit of wandering around, we finally come across a dimly lit alleyway with a few people standing along it, and some soft music coming from...somewhere. Hanging above the archway to the alley, there's a wooden sign that says "Primeaux's." So we wander in, and are immediately greeted with a smile and a "hey!" by almost everyone we pass as we walk along the alley.  This is slightly unsettling, as we thought it might be a private party of some kind, and everyone was saying hi to us simply because they thought we belonged there. Undeterred (we're professionals after all), we go in through the narrow wooden door, and into one of the most beautiful bars I have ever been in.     Turns out, it wasn't a private party after all...the people there are just ridiculously friendly. (Some more friendly than others.) So I sat outside, trying unsuccessfully to hold two conversations at once with girls sitting on either side of me, when I start to notice people walking by holding a rather familiar looking advertisement in their hands... My editor, who is quite good at her job, has already started divvying out copies of our new issue. Which garners even more attention for us, and by the end of the night we're surrounded by Fredericksburgians who want to hear all about us, Houston, the magazine, etc. In fact, one of the guys at the bar (who apparently owned the restaurant across the street), even invited us to stay the night as his "penthouse" above the restaurant. Something his wife didn't care much for apparently, as a prolonged argument ensued and she eventually ended up crying in the corner and talking to "her momma" on the cell. Very strange scene. But! I can say that Primeaux's has made my Top Ten Bars Anywhere list, and if you ever find yourself in Fredericksburg you absolutely must go there. We take off at around 1, head back to the "Brew & Breakfast," find our room and crash.  SaturdayNotice the stag horns jutting out from the wall on the picture above? I didn't. At least, not until I woke up...and looked directly above me. At which point my involuntary "whoa!" was both audible, and apparently quite funny. I get up, shower, and as everyone else is getting ready I wander along Main St. on a coffee hunt, eliciting rather strange looks from the locals along the way. (Might've been the backwards cap, iPod with studio monitor headphones and "Pixies" t-shirt.) My coffee search culminates in an adorable little deli just down the street, and I head back to our 9am appointment with the brewmaster of Fredericksburg Brewing Company Nice guy that one. After a quick tour, he goes over the first of what would become many rundowns of how beer is made, and then the saucin' began. Which officially broke (for only the 2nd time), the "no booze before noon" rule that I've lived by for the past 12 years.   We tip back a Wheat, IPA (or Indian Pale Ale), Porter and their "Enchanted Rock Red Ale," (which was easily my favorite), and discuss the merits of each. At this point, a rather odd old man cups his hands against the glass in the front door and smiles at us, and walks in. Turns out this is Jack, a local artist who specializes in pointillistic pictures of country music artists and very well-endowed women.  This is Jack. And Jack is awesome. He explains that he painted the murals along the inside the brewery, each of which he discusses with us at great length. When we're finally ready to make our escape, the brewmaster not only gives us each a Fredericksburg Brewery pint glass, but also 5 growlers of different beers as well. Like I said, nice guy. Back to the ZineMobile, and off to Boerne. Along the way we get pulled over by a state trooper, and poor F-stop gets a speeding ticket. I, of course, leap out of the car as the cop is writing it and take pictures of the event. (Check the July issue for those.) Once in Boerne, we wander around a bit, then ask directions to the Dodging Duck Brewery. And these small-town Texas folk are so nice they not only tell us how to get there, they also offer us a ride. We are so not used to such behavior. Anyway, Dodging Duck...  Patio area with conspicuous ZineMobile in the distance  Inside  This is a beer. Cute place. We wander around their brewing area, which is actually just a garage behind the house/restaurant, and get the story behind the whole "Dodging Duck" thing. See, a couple of mama ducks lay their eggs in the bushes in front of the restaurant every year, and when the baby ducks are ready to head across the street to the pond, the waitresses stop traffic, (a feat they are quite capable of, even without the addition of fuzzy little waterfowl...rowr), pick the ducklings up, and carry them across the street. Apparently this has become something of a town event. We drink a few more beers here, of which the "Darkwing Dunkel Weissen" was the best (pictured above), score a great free lunch with the promise of a glowing review in our next issue, and take some pictures/flirt shamelessly with the waitstaff. We take off at around 2, and head toward toward Blanco, TX. Upon our arrival in Blanco...  we find that the annual Blanco LavenderFest is in full swing.   Southern belles w/ parasols listenin' to bluegrass along the creek. So we peruse the little tents selling salsas, artwork, locally made handicrafts and the like, then catch up with Brad, the owner/brewmaster of Real Ale Brewing and keeper of some pretty magnificent chops.  Brad Real Ale started about 10 years ago in the basement of an old building in downtown Blanco...    And in that time they've grown to require this new facility...  Pretty impressive. And after tasting their beer, it makes sense why they'd need that space. This, my friends, is hands down the best beer in Texas. Especially their Brewhouse Brown Ale, which I doubled up on before we took off again. They've made a Real Ale customer for life with that little concoction. I could go for one right now actually... So after the tour and subsequent beer sippin' we drop by a local Mexican food place to rest our legs and try a lavender margarita.  This one you can pass on however, since it tasted just like a regular margarita with purple food coloring. Now by the time we've left Blanco, we've been drinking (on and off) for the past 8 hours, and some of the less alcohol tolerant of us are getting a bit sauced and are thus ready to continue the drinking. So we stop off for a few 40's for them to drink along the way toward Gruene. We pull up, finish off some beer in the parking lot, and pick up a stray named "Cash" who'd been separated his group of friends on the river that day all before heading inside.  Gristmill patio area  That's Cash in the hat. Cash proves to be a bit of a moron, so we quickly ditch him after dinner and head to our hotel. Checked in, we turn around and head back toward Gruene Hall, where the Subdudes are playing...but sold out. We briefly commiserate over this with a few very young girls who're standing outside with us, and they mention something about going over to "Tavern in the Gruene," which is just down the road. So we follow them over to Tavern in the Gruene, where F-stop proceeds to take picture after picture of them. The tallest (and coincidentally, also the cutest), one leans over to me and says, "I'm tired of being in these pictures." "You're preaching to the choir hon'...I've been doing this for over 24 hours." "Why don't you stand in for me so I can get a beer." "Uh...what? I mean, there are already close to 50 pictures of me on that camera...I don't think we need another one." "Well c'mere and get in this side.." At which point she somehow slinks her entire body along mine, and uses it to pull me into the picture...which, admittedly, was kinda hot. A few more pics are taken and she turns around to me, pulls me by the hips and pouts, "That was terrible. You didn't look feminine at all." "That isn't one of my strong suits I'm afraid." "Ohhh," she pauses, leaning back and looking me up and down, "Well I'm sure you have...other talents." She pulls tighter. And I swear to God, there was nothing I could do but laugh. It was as if Bambi had put on a pair of lace panties and stockings and was trying her damndest to act out what she'd read was "sexy" in Copsemopolitan. So we close the place down, hand a few more magazines out as people are leaving, then go back to the hotel room where we decide it's a good idea to crack open one of the growlers from Fredericksburg and keep the party going for a while. And I'll leave you there... Suffice to say that we did, eventually, sleep. SundayThe hangover finally arrives, though not as bad as I'd expected. We take off around noon and head to Austin. Breakfast tacos at Mi Madres, then over to Live Oak Brewery for yet another tour. And while this one was certainly the most informative, it was also unbearably hot...so much so that I couldn't think about anything but getting the hell out of there. Hence, no pictures. After Live Oak we dropped by The Draught House. Thankfully, the manager stood us up...so we went by Halcyon for a cup o' joe instead, had lunch at Zen, and headed back toward Houston...arriving utterly exhausted at around 10pm. And I'm going to wrap this up here. But not before I share a grin with you over my good fortune as to have the opportunity to do ridiculous things like this. I really must be doing something right... And heartfelt "thank you"s go out to the magazine for funding this little expedition, and to my travelling companions for simply being awesome throughout the trip. 'Til next time... Ya'll take care now, y'hear? j.s. |
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Sunday, June 11, 2006Hi there. Still alive, and only slightly the worse for wear for my Texas Brewery Tour. As a matter of fact, it's still going on. And things are getting a even more surreal than expected. Which is probably attributable to the effects of going into brewery after brewery, drinking 3 beers at a time, then climbing back into the Scion and driving for 2 more hours, only to arrive at another brewery and repeat the process... And we're on the 49th hour of this activity now. I'll go over the entirety of the trip when I get a chance, suffice to say that it's been a helluva good time, and I can officially cross off #4 on the List of American Dreams. Not only am I drinking free beer, but someone is actually paying me to do so. K, I'm still in Austin (at Halcyon coffee actually), and I think we're about to figure out somewhere to have dinner, then head back to the sprawling burg of grime and humidity. Talk to you soon. j.s. |
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Friday, June 09, 2006Okay, quick update before I've gotta get out of here. I am indeed embarking on the Texas Brewery Tour in a couple hours. Alas, we did not procure a recreational vehicle for the sojourn; we're taking the magazine's Scion xB instead. The one encased in gaudy graphics and advertising logos. It looks like a suburban NASCAR. I can't complain though. I am getting the potential for a strange and wonderful weekend out of the use of said vehicle, and the magazine is covering the cost of the trip, and will even pay me for the ridiculous string of words I put together later about it... So I will dutifully get behind the wheel of the rolling billboard, and do my part. Besides, the looks we'll get driving that as opposed to a RoboWinnebago will be well worth it. I'm not sure what kind of wi-fi reception we're going to get out in the middle of God's Country, but I'm taking some analog writing tools along (notebook and pen), so I'll update you from the road when I can. Have an awesome weekend. j.s. |
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Tuesday, June 06, 2006Okay, now that I've harped on the impending neo-con eschaton, let's move along to some discussion of X-Men 3. Saw the movie this Saturday, and I think it'd been so downwardly-hyped that I could've just watched elephant seals mating on the screen for 2 hours and I would've walked out saying, "You know, it wasn't that bad..." Don't get me wrong, the dialogue was awful, the plot was utterly predictable, and Halle Berry bored the everloving hell out of me, as per usual. In fact, the only redeeming quality of the film was getting to watch Kelsey Grammar Beast-Jump around the screen for a few minutes. (But damn if that wasn't almost worth the 9 clams right there.) I don't want to get too into it, on the off chance that you might not have seen it and are planning on going... Suffice to say, yes, it sucked...and it had almost nothing to do with the original Phoenix story in the comics. But it didn't suck quite as badly as people are saying. I've seen much worse. ("Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows" holds the heavyweight title of the most sucktacular piece of gorilla shit to ever be flung onto film. X-Men 3 wasn't even close to being that abysmal.) Speaking of "not bad," I can also now endorse "Touch" as a club worth dropping in on for those that enjoy going out and tapping a toe on occasion. The tasteful decor, excellent patio, and beautiful people all easily made up for what was a rather unimpressive music set by their DJ. (And I'm pretty forgiving where that's concerned.) And though it's hard to say whether it was the company I kept or the club itself that caused me to have such a good time there on Saturday, either way a good time was definitely had. And I can therefore recommend the place with good conscience. Let's see, what else...oh! It looks like preliminary plans have been set in motion to do a Texas Brewery Tour this weekend for The Magazine. So far it looks like a writer (me), an editor, and at least one photographer are scheduled to climb into an R.V. and travel throughout the state, sampling 9 breweries in 5 different cities, and stopping for Texas landmarks and regional fare along the way. ("Regional fare" being anything that can be purchased at a Texas gas station. i.e. Beef jerky, MoonPies and Big Red.) I'm quite excited about this prospect, as it sounds like quite the good time. I'll keep you abreast of the details as they come to me. K, I'm off to bed now. If indeed I am leaving town this weekend I'll need to do some extra time at the office so I can leave early on Friday. G'night. j.s. |
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Monday, June 05, 2006And we go from a happy and playful Friday, to this form letter in my inbox today, urging me to "sign" it and send it to Washington. "Dear Senator, Please try to help others understand the very nature of humanity, and our culture from the very beginning...defines marriage as between one man and one woman. Do not allow our government to fight nature. There is an extremely important moral issue which I believe greatly affects our society. This week of June 6th as our Senate is debating and voting on a bill to define marriage as between one man and one woman, we have been asked by our Prophet and Apostles to contact our state representatives to let you know how important your actions are. [ed. Yes, this was an LDS letter.] So I plead with you to keep hope in our government alive for our families by voting for the family when you vote for marriage as between one man and one woman. We believe in obeying and sustaining the laws of the land. Please do not let our children down by allowing special interest groups dictate to the majority of “…the people” more confusion and diversions from established, time tested facts of life. Your constituent, [the part where you enter your name and pretend that you had something to do with writing this] Okay...let's talk. First off I'd like to say that I dearly love the person who sent this to me. I do. However we're obviously standing on two different sides here. (Very, very different.) And to be entirely honest, I'm slightly hurt that they didn't know me well enough to know what my reaction to such a thing would be. So in response, I'd like to take this moment, on the eve of this vote, to talk about some people whom I hold very near to my heart. Two of the most wonderful women I've ever had the gift of knowing, who did more than their share to raise and take care of not just me, but my mother, my brother, uncle, and countless cousins, were my Aunt Helen and Aunt Claire. They also happened to love one another as well, and lived under one roof and in one bed. It was a very rare day when we weren't being watched over by them both (and I believe that it's still a rare day when we aren't), and I loved them both openly and without prejudice, because it never occurred to me to do otherwise. It has still never occurred to me. Children the world over should be so lucky as to have people who care about them the way Hannah and Aunt Claire cared for us. Both my aunts have since passed away, but I'm certain there's a special place in Heaven reserved for people who exhibit such love, and who dote on and care for kids throughout their entire lives. Especially when those kids aren't their own. Now it'd be easy for me to sit here and tear this letter into metaphorical shreds for the amusement of all involved, but I'm not going to. I will say this though, when you say you're "voting for the family" you're taking liberties with those words that aren't yours to throw around. Because I stand defiantly against you. And I do so for my family. And in the off chance that it's occurred to you to open that little comment box to quote scripture instead of engaging in intelligent discourse, let me preface such a thing with a caveat that might sway your decision. Someone who suggests things like "God hates fags," or that my aunts (or my other family members and friends who are gay) are somehow "immoral," "evil" or "in Hell" based solely on the fact that they happen to prefer the company of one sex over another, should immediately pray to whatever God you think will keep you out of my reach. j.s. [[ And just in case you're interested, here are the phone numbers for our Texas senators. Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison (R) - 202-224-5922 Senator John Cornyn (R) - 202-224-2934 ]] |
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Friday, June 02, 2006Just so you know, hurling cutlery at friends while they're on the phone at the bar (and thusly ignoring you), isn't necessarily a "nice" thing to do. But! If said utensil narrowly misses the telephonic friend, and instead careens out into the street where cars begin to run over it? Well this little serendipitous development causes happy tinkling noises every time a tire hits the discarded flatware, each of which are a cause for celebration. And for the record, we were up to 29 "rubber-meets-butter-knife" tintinnabulations before we left Onion Creek last night. Yes, happiness can be found in such little things if you're willing to look. And speaking of happiness: June MeatPodAll stuff that makes me bounce around, packaged into one neat .mp3 file, just for you. "Happy Chickens" - Reggie & the Full Effect - [There's a video floating around the 'net of Luis and me doing a duet to this song.] "Salty Dog" - Flogging Molly - [Surely would've been a Russell classic.] "27 Jennifers" - Mike Doughty - [My favorite Denverite.] "Elevator Love Letter" - Stars - [Possibly the best Stars song, ever.] "JCB Song" - Nizlopi - [The video for this is genius.] "Slave" - David Garza - [This song caused me to dance around my bedroom in a towel this morning...don't tell anyone.] "Ladyflash" - The GO! Team - [Definitely not a sound for everyone, but they make me happy.] "Once Around the Block" - Badly Drawn Boy - ["doobadoobadoodaaaa" along to the end of this song and try not to smile.] K, that's it. I'm off. Have an awesome weekend. j.s. |
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Thursday, June 01, 2006An entire office worth of computers has gone haywire...just in time for end-of-monthiness. Lovely... j.s. |
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