The Meaty Efreeti

Thursday, June 26, 2003

And now, I feel like utter hell. C'mon DayQuil...do yo' thang. I hate being sick. I'm so not good at it. I mean, I know I'm supposed to be resting and taking vitamins and drinking lots of fluids and such. But it's such a pain...and I have other stuff I want to be doing. I keep trying to make deals with my own body like, "Okay, if I recline in my office chair most of the day, that should be sufficiently like laying down and resting right? So you'll get better right?" Opal, however, has been HEALED! Or so they tell me anyway, I haven't been over there to check on her yet. She'd better run like brand new for $1500. =I This week has been SHIPPING MADNESS!! We're throwing a "Scrubs On the Bay" American Cancer Society benefit on the boat in Baltimore in August. Everyone is supposed to wear hospital scrubs. I'm using doctor's surgical masks as invitations. (the little cards are the perfect size to be stickied inside of each mask and mailed in a normal envelope. Yeah, I know...I'm clever. =] ) Of course, no one told me that they had come in on Monday...and they were taken to my Grandmother's house on Tuesday for reasons I've yet to understand...but they brought them back and I have them now. They're kinda cool. Been walking around the office in one for most of the day. I keep getting strange looks. "I have SARS...but I came in because I'm short on hours." [badum-bump] blank stare Sigh. No one gets me. =[ No sign of my kite yet...but they say it's been shipped. So should be here within the next couple of days. Should definitely be here before the 4th weekend. (Wow. How wholesome and American is that? I'm going to the beach to fly a kite for 4th of July weekend.) I just hope I'm feeling better by then. Blech. My Dolce & Gabbana and Moschino shirts were on back order...but they're supposed to arrive into the warehouse in London tomorrow...so they should be here next week. Yay! Designermenswear.com is awesome. Okay, I'm going to go back to melting miserably into this chair. See ya. j.s.

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

I'm not feeling very well...all dizzy and my throat hurts...I think I need rest.

I apologize for not posting more lately, but I've been pretty busy at work and don't have much of an Internet connection at home currently. (The dial-up is more irritating than useful.) However this increase in productivity has manifested in a finished ParrishShaw.com website. www.parrishshaw.com No making fun of me and stuff, it's my first attempt at a "real" website. I'll get better.

And I'd also like to note that the dulcet sounds of an English Bulldog vomiting on your comforter is one of the worst ways to wake up at 5:30 a.m.

Blech.

I rocketed out of the bed, and she calmly jumped off and went and got a drink of water after she was done. Filthy beast.

And the car parts didn't come in yesterday, so Opal is still in the garage. =[

In the interim I am driving the Jeep, which, to be honest, is kinda nice. Feelin' all rugged and stuff. =]
And speaking of feeling "Jeepy," my new 3 meter kite is in the mail currently. Can't wait. Now I just need to avoid repeatedly getting ill from hanging out here in this elderly viral swapmeet, a.k.a. the office, and I'll be golden.

Okay, I'm going to go slack in my chair for awhile and rest my sickly body.

Talk to you soon,

j.s.

Friday, June 20, 2003

And while I'm on the subject of cars...if I HAD to get a replacement for Opal, it just might be this
A Citroen Pluriel

Neat huh? Though I don't think I'd get it in that orange color...and I would have to import it at what I'm sure is a ridiculous cost. But I'd have a right-side driver and be the envy of all.

Especially Derek. Even though he has dubbed it a "damnable commie car."

j.s.

My poor car... (The really sad one on the left that's pouting in front of the nanny-cam? That's her.)

Poor, poor Opal... =(
She's very sick.
Something about O2 sensors and leaky thermostat housings and spark plug gaskets and such.

I get very emotional about that car...and perhaps it's just a guy thing.

Still, when I have to leave her somewhere and I don't really know the people who are going to be clambering around in her/messing around with her innards/peeking up under her hood, I get very uncomfortable. She and I have been through a lot together these past 6 years, and I feel awful when something goes wrong with her. As if I've mistreated her somehow, and now she has to pay the price by going into the car hospital, and I'm powerless to do anything about it.

Makes me sad.

I suppose it's better than burning her up by driving around with an overheating engine though, so I guess it's okay. And besides, she'll come out all happy and feeling better and so forth. That and I'm having them put new rims on her while she's in there, so it's not all boring gaskety-gaugey-internal stuff.

It's also going to cost me $1500.00 to get her up and running again...and she won't be done until Tuesday night...so it appears I'm not going anywhere this weekend. Or ANY weekend for awhile, since I'll be paying $500 out of every check for the next 6 weeks to cover the cost of this little venture. =(

Sigh.

Talk to you guys later.

j.s.

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

How sad is it when your list of things to "Get Back on Track" basically revolve around your wardrobe and how you look?
Dry cleaning,
new jeans,
new shirts,
a haircut/brow wax,
TiGi Bedhead stuff,
a new quiver of shoes...
Gym membership

(And I've finished almost all of them...with the exception of the haircut/brow wax, which is scheduled today, the shoes, and the gym membership...which will be next paycheck...along with my kite. Yay!

Okee, back to work boy.

j.s.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

No time, no time, no time.

I will post once I get a chance, I promise.

j.s.

Saturday, June 14, 2003

So, June has been a relatively slow month to date...but I think it's the calm before the storm that will be July.
The first weekend of July is the 4th, and there is rumor that I may head to NYC for a long weekend then and drop in on Erica.

=] !!!

After which there's a company party on a boat in Kemah on the 8th.

Then Jenny is supposed to fly into town on the 9th and we're heading to New Orleans for that weekend to look at Tulane University.
She leaves on the 14th.

Then, the trip to Venice, to see Kristen on the 18th through the 27th...

Oh yeah...and somewhere in there I'm supposed to work too.
Though Mom is very supportive of my relationships with all of these girls...hence she's giving me the time off to go see them.
Yes...there are perks to working for your Mom's company. =]

Speaking of which, it seems that Derek and I have fallen inadvertently into the personality of the "Sons of the Owner." Meaning we glide around the office...(okay...we do strut a bit) come in when we feel like, glare at those who are slacking or chatting in the corners, ignore any office policy that we don't like, and basically assume the position that we are due special treatment, and that we are running the show in the absence of the owner.
We also make everyone in the office very, very nervous.
Sad huh?
I've more to talk about where this is concerned...but D and I are headed out for KorACHEES (Kolache Factory) and to BUY MY NEW PHONE!!!

**fanfare**

Talk to you all soon...and hopefully with much less static and dropped calls than before.

j.s.

Thursday, June 12, 2003

It seems that more folks are beginning to hop on the randomness that is the "Meaty" Bandwagon. (tm)
www.meaty.org

Neat.

j.s.

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

Hmmph...comments still not working...

What the hell happened to my comments??
Man, I take a day off from checking up here and peeps try to slip shit by.

Ah, Haloscan.com is apparently down again...that would explain it.

Heh, I came across this in my old Outlook folder today...it was written about my cross-country trip after I'd graduated from college. Some of the characters you'll recognize from the "About the Authors" and "Picture Pages" sections. Made me giggle a bit so I thought I'd post it here...dammit I'm funny.

"We came across a monkey in Des Moines.

It's name......was 'Bootsy.'

We distracted Bootsy with cigarettes and smoking lessons, then quickly slapped velcro strips on it's ass, stuck it to our dashboard, and drove off as fast as Opal the Car would take us.

After which, things really began to get strange.

After Bootsy calmed down and became resigned to it's fate of being our companion for the next 2 days, we duct-taped a disposable camera to my head. And every so often Derek would lean over and take pictures of himself from the vantage point of my thinkspot...a mystical place to be sure. About 300 miles later, (to the tune of sirens, flashing red and blue lights, and the terrified screams of a monkey adhered to a dashboard) we learned that the police in Nathan, Iowa frown upon disguises while driving. Derek, unfettered by this strange man's ravings, decided he had to record the motorcycle cop's image in the annals of thinkspot history, and snapped a picture of him from my forehead cam. This seemed to seriously upset him, yet he claimed he was ready to let us go. It was not until I began to think (out loud) that this was no garden variety cop.
No.
No, we had inadvertently uncovered a ring of emu rapists, posing as police officers, in order to confiscate new and interesting sexual partners...like our beloved Bootsy. (Who thankfully was unconscious through this whole ordeal, after Derek hit it on the head with a tire iron to quiet it down.) Thank God I saw this pervert in a uniform for what he truly was. And once again, we drove off like a bat out of Hades, evading the sick bastard and ignoring his repeated attempts to flag us back down. Iowa, I shall be more watchful when I must tread your freeways next...and so should you."

And then there's the answer to the age old question that was posed to me by my friend Jacob.

"And hey, how are Aunt Bee, Uncle Cleatus and the midgets?"
(You'd think people would be loathe to ask me these kinds of questions...they only seem to create rifts in normalcy.)

"Uncle Cleatus and Aunt Bee have fallen on hard times. They blew the family fortune on a "Princess Diana Look-a-Like Eggplant," and the many throngs of people they expected to pay to see this wonder were slightly over-estimated. So now they've opened a "Naked Midget Crisco Twister" camp for obese boys between the ages of 7 and 13. (We call them "Poppin' Fresh Little Happy People," or "Popflipples" for short.) All the midgets have stayed on to be the Poppin' Naked Camp Counselors...all except for Little Lamont DeBarge. You remember Little Lamont? Well you'll remember then how hung up he was on a pop music keyboardist career. So hung up in fact, that he left the farm immediately after Uncle Cleatus fired him from Lady Di's security team, and began to hitch to New York with his keyboard strapped to his oddly shaped,
melon-like head. I think he was last seen somewhere on 95 trying to sell elephant suppositories to truckers, claiming them to be "Martian Fruit." Keep an eye out for him on your way up here, If you DO happen to see him, lure him to your trunk with some Lucky Charms and then hit him on the head with a log or something. He still owes Aunt Bee 20 bucks and a bottle of Tanqueray."

Yeah...so what if this is a shameless, re-run of a post...I'm at work...cut me some slack.

j.s.

Monday, June 09, 2003

Hiya.
I forgot to mention why I was sun-charred on Saturday. Derek and I went to the Texas Architects Sancastle Building Contest on East Beach in Galveston.
Though on the whole it was pretty disappointing, (there weren't really any sandcastles, more like sandpop-culture-references.
There were 4 Homer Simpsons, 5 "My Big Fat Greek"-somethingorothers, and countless "Soup'r-Bowl" themed sand sculpture.
The Buddha some firm made was the coolest one really...and it was only cool because the architects stood around it and chanted "Buddha, Buddha, Buddha!" while they had a model in a bikini bang a giant gong.

Otherwise there's not a whole lot to say...other than I've nearly built the entire website for the company today. I'll link it here once the DNS have updated.
And unfortunately there probably won't be much to report all this week either, as I have approximately $75 in my account, and I don't get paid until Monday the 16th.
Oh...but what a paycheck it will be...my first "real" pay in almost 8 months...well, really since I graduted since Fandango had me at about 21k a year)
They'd better staff the Galleria heavy on Tuesday when that sucka clears.

I know I said I wouldn't write about her anymore, but I can't help but mention that Erica did call after receiving my letter, (which is a very good sign given the "spill my heart all over the page and take the pieces you like" tone of my letter) and is "in the process of writing me back."

I'm not sure how I feel about this whole snail mail thing.

Granted, there's a certain amount of nostalgic romance about it...and it did give me an excuse to go buy some really great linen paper and a razor sharp pen...and I'll sheepishly admit that I'm all butterflied now that I know I have mail from her incoming.
(Shut up.)
Sigh.
But I'm afraid I do prefer the instant gratification of email...or even ICQ/AIM...
Maybe she's some kind of neo-Luddite.
**blink, blink**
No, I'm not going to think about that...somebody tackle me.

j.s.

Saturday, June 07, 2003

We have broken ground on a new version of the Meaty Efreeti.
Should be working in a few weeks.

I'm currently a bit sun-charred...and am feeling appropriately drained.

And a big "piss off" goes to Jake and Luis for calling me and gloating about having just seen "Underworld" play. =]

j.s.

Friday, June 06, 2003

Oh...my...God....it's....early.

I actually woke up at 6 fucking 30 this morning...
And not just "woke up, smiled for a moment at the strange and ridiculous hue of light outside, pulled the quilt a bit tighter against the morning chill of June's air conditioning, and went back to Orpheus" kind of woke up.

No.

It was the kind where you lay there, half-open eyes unmoving from one individual stucco in the wall, the clock moving in 5 minute intervals everytime you glance at it, and you're guilt-ridden for thinking about going back to sleep, yet the thought of getting out of bed is torturous.
So you lay there...waiting for that tiny window when your mind says, "Okay sucko, if you're going to do it, you'd better goddamn do it now or I'm shutting up shop for another hour."
So you throw the covers off, sit bleary-eyed with your feet dangling off the edge of the bed, amazed you've gotten this far...and start the Bataan Death March toward an impending blast of very hot water. Some fine tuning of the shower nozzle to get the water just the right temperature... which doesn't really matter anyway since it never transfers as a constant from tub spigot to shower nozzle, and you end up standing on one end of the shower leaning over the cylinder of water trying to turn the temperature up.
I brush my teeth in the shower. My reasons for this are that, first, it's a relatively violent act for me to brush my teeth. Toothpaste foam spews across the bathroom like splatter paint. So if I'm in the shower, no big thing...it's immediately rinsed off of both me, and the surrounding area.
And secondly, it gives me an excuse to stand in the shower for longer. Hey, if you're going to do it anyway, why not do it comfortably?
I'm really not sure why more people don't do this. I mean, do you really NEED a mirror for this activity? You've been doing it twice a day since you were a child...you'd think people would have it down without having to look to see where their teeth are.

Anyway, you get out. Wipe the mirror down with your towel. Realize that you look unsettlingly like a big, pink boiled shrimp. And open the bathroom door a bit to let the steam out.
Drag a hot razor across your skin to slice off the bristles that are growing out of your face. (Kinda sick when you think about it huh?) Zinc and Sodium for the underarms, animal extracts and plant juice for scent, and lotion for the Samsonite under your eyes.

All because you have...things to do.

Next Week:
"The Wardrobe Conundrum."
or
"Jeremiah is late again."

j.s.

Thursday, June 05, 2003

I must learn to kiteboard.
It combines all of my favorite "S"'s (Sailing, Surfing, Snowboarding) into one very cool, expensive, dangerous activity.
How can one go wrong?

j.s.

Wednesday, June 04, 2003

Oy.

How do people do this every single day of their lives? It's only Wednesday, and I'm already exhausted and sick of being here...I mean, it's not so bad when it's 8,000 degrees outside. I really don't mind being in here. But when it's all cool and rainy and good out...and I want to be outside in the rain...
Sigh.
That and it has serious repercussions on the amount of cool things that I do...I mean...I'm stuck here. And if I'm not stuck here, I've just gotten home. And if I've not just gotten home, then it's time to crash so I'm sure to get up early and come back here. (I don't own an alarm clock as of yet...so I have to rely solely on internal zeitgebers.)
There's got to be something more to all of this than just "provide a service, to get money, to buy goods and services which require more money, so provide more service, to make more money... (Rinse and repeat.)
This can't be it. But I look around at every store, every restaurant, every book, every park...and dollar signs keep coming up.
How sad is it if this is what the human experience has evolved to?
Self-induced slavery for 1/2 of one's waking existence, simply to "provide for" the other half.
Don't you think that's a pretty high cost for new cars, stereos, 800 channels and a wardrobe?

Well...

Maybe not the wardrobe part.

=]

j.s.

Monday, June 02, 2003

Hi.
It seems like it is very early, but I've run out of things to do...so it's stream of consciousness time.
I wonder if anyone would even notice if I was crazy?
I mean, I do a lot of random, senseless shit most of the time... Aside from the rubber room and injections twice a day, how would being "insane" be any different? And I'm nearly certain that no one would diagnose me as "loopy" for quite some time...if at all.

.....

All right, I've done spooked myself right out...
Because now there's the possiblity that I am, in fact, insane...and everyone either just assumes "it's okay...Jeremiah is just like that..." or you all feel bad for me so you don't say anything.
(See? Paranoid delusions...I'm a sick man.) =]

Okay, I think that's just about enough of my dribbling stream of consciousness.

I have a mean case of post-letter remorse by the way. The letter I got from Erica was blase to say the least...and I toiled and sweated over her letter for days. She told me 3 times to not work so much and go out and find a girl to date...I believe the terms "All work and no play" actually came up somewhere.

Erm...yeah...ohkayyy.
Sigh.
Dammit.
Now I'm all depressed.

Think I'll go read and head to bed...oh...and start looking for an apartment. Perhaps I'll take a poll up here to see the general consensus as to which apt. I should live in...

As long as it's not a padded one.

**looks around suspiciously for men in white coats**

j.s.

"So drunk...in the August sun,
and you're the kinda girl I like.
Because you're empty,
And I'm empty,
And you can never quarantine the past."

Yay Pavement! After-hours office rock!

Um, anyway, since I've resorted to posting lyrics from semi-obscure early 90's bands that I'm currently listening to, it should be rather obvious that there's not too much happenin'.
Though today was my first "full-time employee" day here at the office, it was kinda anti-climactic since I'd been here nearly every workday for almost 2 months now.
I am even sitting in a cubicle of my very own...with a view...of a tree..and stuff.

I'm not really sure how to feel about this.

On the one hand I'll be able to afford a new car...and a new cell phone...(those of you who've talked to me on my crappy Motorola V90 know how desperately I need this) And even my ticket to EEH-TAH-LEE next month. Which is good.
On the other hand...I'm white, male, 25-35, and I work in a cubicle...i.e. "The Man."
Guess I'll get used to it.

Anyway, I think it's almost time to bug outta here...I've been here since 9. (Oh, yeah, waking up early without killing anyone...now that was climactic, and will take quite a bit of getting used to.)

Talk to you again soon, I'm feelin' EQ time comin' on.

/wave

j.s.

Okay, the Blogger people have gone bananas...I'm only getting 1/2 of the page to load...

Apparently they're doing some strange server conversion or something...so if the M.E. is screwy for the next few days it's not my fault...blame them.

j.s.

Sunday, June 01, 2003

Oh, I got a letter from Erica today. From the Mandalay Bay in Vegas.
She finally sent the pictures of her and I...one of which I posted in the Picture Pages section, just for you guys.

I also got a call from a good friend of mine in Venice today. (Well, just north of Venice really.) She just graduated from Utah State and is back home with the fam for a few months and you'll never guess who she cajoled into coming out for a week or so in June/July.
**nod**
Although that's not a very difficult feat where I'm concerned...it doesn't take much cajoling to get me to agree to go to Italy.

As an aside, she also told me "I love you," at the end of our conversation...
!!!
I, of course, was my usual slick self, and retorted with a lot of "ummm"ing and stammering about how I was in an electronics store and my phone was cutting out, that I couldn't hear a word she was saying and that I'd talk to her soon...
Yes, just like in PeeWee's Big Adventure.
What the hell Jer?

Airfare to Italy isn't cheap though...about 1k from what I've seen tonight.
Looks like I need to make a call to my aunt. (She owns a travel agency.)
That or see if we can frequent flyer me out there for a couple weeks. That'd be good. Flying for free is the best.

Talked to my other Utah peeps tonight too. They're all up boozing it at Jenny's cabin on Bear Lake , cooling off from the miserable heatwave that has apparently stricken Salt Lake this week. Yeah, so that one stung a little...
I wished I was there pretty badly tonight.
Sigh...

Oh! And I also saw on the news that the repeatedly aforementioned Hippie Field Day Fest will possibly be cancelled due to overcrowding/fire hazard issues, or something like that...just an FYI for those who hadn't heard anything about it yet and were still planning on going. =[

Bedtime, talk to you again soon as I have to go into the office tomorrow to finish up some stuff before Monday.

j.s.