The Meaty Efreeti

Friday, March 28, 2003

So file this one under "Life is Unbelievably Strange Sometimes." I came across an insurance claim yesterday with the name "Erica May" on it, which naturally got me thinking about Erica Mayo, someone I've known for a very long time (we met on the beach in Corpus Christi when we were 13) and wondering where she might be now...so I tried to look her up on the Internet and came across a picture from 1999 when she'd placed 4th in a Ms. Hawaii something-or-other contest. Nothing that hinted at where she might be now...so I mentally shrugged, and went back to work. Flash-forward to today. I get out of the shower this morning, get dressed, and am just about ready to head to the office for a couple of hours...when the phone rings. Dad brings it to me and says, "It's for you...it's Erica." !!! Now, I haven't spoken to Ms. Mayo (I think it's Ms. anyway) in almost 7 years...and the last time I did see her we were busy recuperating from the ingestion of several dubious substances the night prior. I say "hi," and explain that I do, in fact, know who this is...she found an old address book, can't believe I live in the same house...I just moved back to Houston 2 weeks ago from Utah/Baltimore...yadda yadda. She mentions that she has recently graduated with a degree in Textiles, (the specifics of which we didn't get into) and is about to start work on her continuing education at F.I.T. in New York...where she currenly resides. (Manhattan, 22nd st.) !!! "Er, I graduated with a degree in Apparel and Textiles too...about a year ago." "Really??" "Yes. And I've been trying to figure out how to get to New York ever since." We both are sufficiently nonplussed after this...stammering ensues. Then it comes up that she and a friend of hers are coming down to Dallas in mid-April, and that we should catch up. "Yes. Yes we should. Call me at this number before you come down and we'll work something out..." "Okay, I will." The serendipity of my life is enough to boggle the mind at times...I also wonder why I didn't give her my cell phone number... j.s.

Thursday, March 27, 2003

Very little is happening to me today, and I'll tell you this...

It is creeping me right out.

I keep waiting for my cell phone to melt, to break a tooth, to be kicked out of my house, or to be diagnosed with cancer.
I suppose, after you get used to malady after malady, it's strange when the karmic grindstones of the universe decide to sharpen someone else.

I'll tell you this though...it's absolutely wonderful. Even if just for a little while.
I'm guessing this must be how you live.

Somewhere to go home to every night with a bed, clothes in a dresser or closet, a job where you know you'll make enough money this week to be able to eat, an agenda/plan in place for when you wake up every morning, being able to speak to someone...anyone...during your day, no embarrassment or apologetic feelings of how you're inconveniencing your friends simply by your presence in their home, even managing a quick glance in the direction of the future, looking for a glimpse of something worth striving for...
I do recall that these are all things normal people do...yet I haven't done them for almost a year, and they regain tangibility slowly.
You shouldn't take them for granted, if you do.

Perhaps it's me not trusting the illusion of permanence. I've fallen witness to just how quickly things you think are your life can topple, leaving you standing in dust and ash... I'm hesitant to put any faith in those things again. Luckily, they seem to be putting their faith in me. And I feel as if I've finally stopped falling, after the frantic scrabbling for purchase that has been this past 10 months.
Yet now there is the nagging question of...

Did I hit bottom?

And on that note, and before I depress you all into swearing off reading the M.E., I'm off to try and convince Brother's Pizza to take the aforementioned American Express Gift Cheque that was not used at Fuddrucker's. (Derek paid you see.)

Wish me luck...I'll talk to you again soon.

j.s.

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

I can confidently speak for both Derek and I when I wish our girls in the Fashion Association at USU all the best for their upcoming show this Friday, "Fashion Out Loud." You've all had a rough go of it this year and I can't imagine how hard it must have been to swing the show without the backing of our old college. I'll bet the College of Business wasn't quite as receptive to our grabassticism as we're used to.
I'm also extraordinarily excited that there are finally enough designers to pull off a solely student designed show. That was a goal of mine throughout my tenure as an officer there, I'm thrilled it finally happened again.
And finally, it seems I did something right before I left by dissolving the music committee. Everyone sounds much happier choosing their own music in the Utah Statesman article.
Yay me.

Break a leg girls, wish I could be there.

j.s.

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

MatchStapleSortMatchStapleSortMatchStapleSortMatchStapleSort...

Oy. This is some mind numbing mess. Had to take a break and work the right side of the noggin or I fear it'll become atrophied. And I'd like to point out that I'm disappointed in you all. Not a single entry into the "Shakespeare Ghettofabulous" contest... Why do I bother?
Ooo...gotta call D. We're s'posed to do something tonight...
[PLEASE HOLD]

[THANK YOU FOR HOLDING. YOUR READING OF THE MEATY EFREETI IS VERY IMPORTANT TO US AND JEREMIAH WILL CONTINUE IT'S PUBLICATION AFTER HIS BROTHER PICKS UP HIS DAMN PHONE]

Gah, voicemail.

Anyway...SO!
The newest plan to hit me is to teach sailing down in Kemah. I've been doing it in college for 3 summers so I have some experience. I just need to be certified by the ASA next month and I'm golden. Only hitch is that it costs $290. Bah, that shouldn't be too hard to wrangle together what with the rainforest worth of paper that's sitting here waiting for me to match and staple...

Ah, and on a slightly more personal note. I have been denied a checking account at Bank One. Why? --He asks hisself rhetorically-- I have no idea. I checked with both banks I've used in the past 5 years and both of them conned "warmly." (For those that don't play EQ, that means they dig me.) So unless someone has opened an account with my name and run amok, pretending to be me, (poor bastard) then I can't fathom why they would deny me.
I had to send out for a copy of my "Consumer Report" from ChexHelp. Luis believes that this "Consumer Report" will show that I haven't been consuming nearly my quota as an American, and that our government has decided that if I'm not going to purchase ludicrous amounts of goods and services with my money, then I can't put it in any banks. We'll see.

It's all terribly embarrassing...which is why I'd share it here of course.

Woot! D just rang me back and it's Fuddy's beef on the agenda for the evening...wonder if they'll take an American Express Gift Cheque...

Okay, I'm off. Until next time.

j.s.

Wheeble the knots of doom with a carrot.

Monday, March 24, 2003

Those with a similar sense of humor to mine should enjoy this a bit. I apologize about the pop-ups, not my site.

Department of Homeland Security

Jeremiah's Quick Recap of the Academy Awards
This Meaty Post will contain very little of anything bearing any real significance. It will instead amble aimlessly through the events of earlier this evening, as they occur to me now. You'd probably be better off not reading it if you have anything better to do. Thank you.

My inner fashionista is absolutely appalling sometimes, but I've found that if I don't let it out it chafes. Unfortunately the Internet has allowed me to spew it, one-way, unto random masses looking for information on the Atkins Diet or perhaps on a Dungeons & Dragons creature. It is to you that I apologize. Try Google instead. The rest of you however, know me, and therefore knew what you were in for when you got here today. No sympathy for joo.

Meryl Streep: Honey, your dress was fine until someone went and sewed grey raglan softball jersey sleeves onto your armpits. Sometimes you just have to know when to take the needle away from your designer.

Julia Roberts: Beautiful. Timeless. As usual. And I, for one, would love to see what you look like at 5 in the morning Jules...especially given that this might mean I'd spent the previous night somewhere in your vicinity.

Sean Connery: Goddammit Sean. GODDAMMIT SEAN.

Hillary Swank: I'm going to let you all in on a dark secret of mine. Everytime I see Hillary Swank I want to nibble her ears. Is that sick and twisted? And if so, I'd rather not hear about it thank you.

Adrien Brody: Excellent job on your speech guy. And kudos for a proper "Peace in Iraq" tribute. Unlike Michael Moore, whose self-aggrandizing rhetoric earns him a "C-" for message, and a stern, red, Octavia Champagne, (the Cattle know what I'm talking about here) "F" for decorum. I mean, was he trying to HELP his cause when he said an 83 year old paper tiger of a pope and 3 moronic country pop stars whose repertoire consists of "Goodbye Earl" and "White Trash Wedding" were on his side? Mmhmm...you should go complain for another 2 hours and tape it Mike. Maybe they'll give you another Oscar. Conclusions are highly overrated after all.

Olivia DeHavilland: (Thx H.) The most darling little bubullah of an old lady I've seen in awhile. I grinned from ear to ear when she came on...with her little blue dress and little blue hair. Dollface.

Susan Sarandon Wow. I mean, Wow. The quintessential "little black dress," done perfectly. She looked unbelievably hot...especially when one considers that perhaps her best role, as Janet, came out in 1975...(if you don't know, take a step to [the] RIGHT here, virgin.)

Mira Sorvino: Okay, this sucks I know..but when I see Mira Sorvino I get butterflies in my stomach. As if I'm going to have to look her in the eye and talk to her or something. And I know that if I ever DID actually get the chance to speak to her I'd be lucky to form any semblance of a coherent syllable. Yeah, yeah...I'm really not very cool.

Daniel Day Lewis: Lookin' kinda creepy in that carnival barker tux there big guy. Though I dig the shaved head...for obvious reasons.

To the Men Who Wore Black Tie Thank you. You've rekindled my faith for another year.

As an aside, I have come to realize that I am possibly the biggest hampster of a man when it comes to these awards. I mean, one reference to parents/kids/wifes, one broken sentence marking the overflow of emotion, one "I just want to make [insert loved one here] proud of me.." and I'm all misty-eyed and pouty. For example, when Gwenyth Paltrow won for Shakespeare in Love a few years back...she cried AND thanked her "Daddy." (And she looked so cute in her little pink prom dress...)
Well I was a blubbering mess for about 5 minutes. You women did this to me, and I just might never forgive you for it.

Overall there were a lot less war references than I'd expected, which was a boon.
Salma got SOMETHING for Frida, which was nice too. (She should have gotten 'Best Actress' hands down.)
AND Chicago didn't exactly sweep everything, as our media circus would've had you believe. (So you'd watch war coverage with Oscars highlights, rather than the other way around.)
This was also a bonus. I really liked Chicago, but I felt that if it won an inordinate amount of Oscars it would be a glaring admission of the lack of quality films in 2002...since it looked more like an on-stage theatrical production than an actual movie.

Bah, I could go on for hours...and I watched the Oscars alone so I didn't have anyone to vent upon. Thanks for listening this long. (If you found this site in error again, just consult your Monstrous Manual.)

Talk to you soon.

Joan Rivers

Friday, March 21, 2003

Boy, I attempt to be clever in my post closing, and the Bushie goes and ruins it by making me right and dropping a lot of rather large bombs on unsuspecting people. *smack*
Nothing gets our fear breeding media churning more than lots of rampant death and destruction...or the possibility of death and destruction...or hearsay about death and destruction. They love this shit. Love it. I had to stifle a laugh as Dan Rather excreted mock concern all over the television screen when the Marine helicopter went down. Tool.
You know, I think Dan Rather just might be a puppet. No, not metaphorically you clever, cynical bastards. I mean a real puppet. If you watch the way his head moves it just doesn't seem right. It's more like he has fishing wire attached to his eyebrows which are yanked on occasionally when emotional validity is warranted.

Also, the computer graphics of our weapon stats look more like Pokemon cards than weapons.

"Bunker Buster"
Speed - 300 mph
Warhead - 22
Claw Attack - 10 pts.
Lightning Attack - 25 pts.

Heh, and irony of ironies...it appears that our tanks get approximately ONE mile to a gallon of gasoline.
One.
Is life too weird or what?

Gah!!! I'm as guilty as they are about war mongering and talking incessantly about this thing... "The CNN Effect." So I think I'll stop here.

Night kids, Merry War's END Eve???
(one can hope.)

j.s.

p.s. I'd like to send some love to my peeps up in Logan at Utah State. You guys played hard against Kansas tonight, and it was a good game. Good luck next year.

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

Bah, the Meaty Efreeti is in the soul...existential issues like, no money, homelessness, no job, too much jobbin', or foot odor cannot stop the Efreeti, Mean Gene. WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO?? WHEN THE 24" PYTHONS, RUN WILDE ON YOU!!!! [sic]

Heh, well you've derailed my original idea for posting today, which was to give a general update on what's happening to me. But this is more important, so I'll toss my two wooden sheckels into the bucket...take 'em for what they're worth.

Growing up sucks.

And I shold know.
I've refused to do it for 27 and 1/2 years.
Blarg blarg.

BUT!

I think when you've done a bit more o' that introspectin', you'll see that LQ does not, in fact, represent the last of your youth. You've got plenty. In fact, (and don't take this as an admission of sides in this debate) I'm actually willing to wager you'll have more youth if you were to quit.
Don't let me lose you now.

Exhibit A.
You hold two jobs and go to school...how many jobs do most people your age hold? or ANY age? Especially while they're a full-time collegiate student...I know I couldn't do it. Hell, I can't even hold one. And the thought of working while I was in school was completely out of the question as far as I was concerned. I was there to drink beer, introduce and lead the Utah masses into the nether regions of debauchery, and occasionally show up in class and give my professors a charge that I actually could be bothered to attend.

This leads me well into,

Exhibit B

How much free time do you have currently?
Define "youth" and you'll rarely see the term "work" show up in the definition. Here's the rub right? You're making decent money working at the ParrishShaw right? Rahbut.
And if you weren't working LQ on the weekends, you'd have time to do random stuff like...oh...I dunno...like, purchase copious amounts of booze with/for your brother and chase scattered booty around the bars of Houston, Texas. ("One of these days we have to find women at the same time...'ding'") Or, perhaps go to Cirque de Soleil? Right? Rahbut.
This sounds more like youthful behavior than working at LQ...to me anyway. Especially when one considers that the folks you work with there DO have time to do that sorta thing since LQ is their only job. (Though unfortunately I've not duped them into buying me many beers yet.)
**shrug**
It just seems like you'd have a lot more time to do cool stuff if you had only one job, and had the weekends off.

Now, if you simply LIKE working there at LQ, then I'd be the last guy on Earth to say "quit". Mom doesn't like it? Two tears in a bucket.
You do.
And the explanation you gave me when I asked you was along the lines of, "It doesn't feel like work when I'm there."
Sounds good to me, you go make it happen if that's what you want.

But don't think that just because you don't work at a Laser Tag arena, you've got to start your IRA and worry about Alzheimer's.

This is just a transition D. And I know it's pretty daunting. But no one can tell you what to do anymore. You're an adult, you make the call. Just be the guy you want to be, and know that I'm behind you any way you choose it. And take heart in this: you'd be hard pressed to cock things up better than I have, so anything you do will seem like a Napoloeonic battle strategy compared to my monkly meanderings. Right?

Rahbut.

Excellent.

Okay, for those reading in the cheap seats, i.e. other cities than Houston, let's recap.
I've moved back into my ol' casa en Katy, though now I stay in the S.S. Guestroom. Weird.
Interviewed with Urban Outfitters, the manager said he was interested, and then proceeded to not call me back for two weeks. I've tried to touch base with him, he's not callin'.
Tried to get a job at DWANGO doing cell phone games, alas to no avail.
I ran to a few event production companies the other day...not hiring...shoo'ed me out the door quickly.
Dropped off a resume at Soundwaves, and I have just now realized that it had my Utah number on it....*smacks head*
Grrrrr...guess I'll go by and drop off an application or something...
Next step is to try and contact G.O.D. Games and Ion Storm, both in Dallas, to see about entry-level positions. (BugTester and such...)
That'd be nice.

And in the meantime, I'll be at Mom's office, filing, stapling and inputting claims. And trying to make ends meet. "She wants to lead...a GLAMOROUS LIFE! Without luuve, it ain't much!"

Sorry.
Thought I'd just spread that little meme into all of your heads for the remainder of the afternoon. Enjoy.

Also, in the interest of spreading a good idea, I have a new contest for those that would like to play. It originated with my friend, the notorious John V. in SLC. Here's the low-down.

You must translate this line from the beginning of Taming of the Shrew:

"I ne'er drank sack in my life; and if you give me any conserves, give me conserves of beef: ne'er ask me what raiment I'll wear; for I have no more doublets than backs, no more stockings than legs, nor no more shoes than feet..."

into Ebonics and/or Ghetto Slang.

Ready?
Go.
Post it below in the comments section and Derek and I will judge the winner...that is, if we get more than one. (Employees of The Meaty Efreeti ineligible for contest. Contest not open to those in Hawaii, Alaska or New Zealand. No purchase necessary. Send entry along with an SASE c/o "The Bushie." 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, Washington D.C. 20500. He'll know what to do.)

Good luck, and have a merry War's Eve.

j.s.

This Sound Clip Was Found Under the Ruins of The Golgotha Relocation Project. Haunting Pleas from Beyond the Grave.

Enjoy.

Saturday, March 15, 2003

Well it would seem that the Meaty Efreeti had worn out its use with your moving back to Hosuton. However, clearly the days of living together in Utah State and never seeing one another are not over simply from a change in venue. Life is crazy hectic right now and everything is coming to a head within the next few months. I do believe that this is the first time in my life that I have ever regretted wishing for something. I have always wanted to be in the position that I am in right now, and now that I am here, I just want to be left alone to my own devices without the pushing and pulling of outside opinions. I was talking to Mom tonight, and she was trying yet again to get me to quit my job at Quest. I started to play the same old money card with her, and then let her know that actual reason why it is so hard for me to quit managing a lasertag facility: I am not ready to grow up yet. If there is any fruit in my introspections, it is the knowledge that this is the reason I currently hold two jobs. Every day I go into Laser Quest and remember to look around at other people who are my age and what they are doing, and, as a result, being forced to think to myself, "Is there anything else I want/need to do before I close this chapter of my youth?"
I have moved to fast through my growth for so long, I have trouble remembering the person that I was six months ago. Although I know that is a product of this particular time period in everyone's life, I would really like some solidarity for a little while, and, unfortunately, Laser Quest is the only solid thing (family aside) that I have in my life. It is strange how we cling to the smallest things and give them an uncanny weight in our lives. Where a measly managemet job at a children's entertainment venue would mean so much to someone who has been in school for the last 16 years of his life is unfathomable... and I know that. But what people don't realize is when that is your only anchor in a period of life wherein the tides are inconsistantly rising and falling, that venue becomes truly cathartic and necessary for balance. I can not, however, doscount the fact that I am going to have to let go, and need to begin withdrawing myself from that job and concentrating on these last few months of school to make sure I finish strong. There is no reason, as Mom insinuated, that I would have worked this hard for this long and not finish out my journey with a bang. My priorities need to be reexamined, and I can assure you that as soon as I get the time to myself, that is definitely in the mail. But until then, I am afraid I am just going to be staying the course and making sure that I have the capacity for fulfill the responsibilities that I have brought upon myself and the expectations that those around me have of me are completed to the best of my ability.

~D~

Monday, March 03, 2003

Okay, almost 3 months later and I'm posting again.

In short, Utah was a no-go. Not a job to be found anywhere, with the exception of a part time gig at J. Crew at $7.00 an hour.

No, I didn't think so either.

So now I'm off to Houston, for those that didn't know. Said goodbye to the crew this morning, packed up my computer, (it's always the last to go) and I'm out.
I hear the job market is better in good ol' H-Town...we'll see.

See you when I see you.

j.s.